Tips Tricks and a Quick Obligatory Man Update

..But First : Did You see the She-Wolf Video ??? I can pretty much DIE at DListed's Michael K assesment of it all:
"The Glittery of YouTube (the glittery of youtube??? *FAINTS*) needs to stop production on all Beyonce-related material and pick up Shakira's new video for "She-Goat She-Wolf." My ass needs to see them fluttering about in a cut up Capezio catsuit, grinding on their mother's guest bed, thrusting in a large-sized dog cage from Petco and... and... and... And what the hell are they going to use for that giant *fancy* sparkly organ cave Shakira's busting it in? That part looks like a lost scene from Ricky Martin's colon cam."

My Take is:

* The song is still Hot Bullshit in English, her Admitted inspiration Crystal Castles Do Better things musically speaking than that Hot buttery lyric situation, I wish she'd stick to Spanish or got a good interpreter to handle it for her

* Her Body is S-I-C-K (then again I always hear she is 5 nothing 5'2 at most ... I have theories about little chicks!) as is the cut up thang that Michael K hilariously refereed to as a Cut up Capezio Leotard

* That mess that started at 2:57 in the rooftop I could have completely done without it looked Bunk and Budget as PHUCK! plus it fucks with my spirit cause that was Some SWEET Italo Disco Riff right there towards the end made lesser by some Epic fuckery the level of which haven't been seen since the Beyonce Epileptic Roach attack!, it didn't even look like it went with the video which SO was on it's way to having some potential as she contorted on the cage and shit... that has nothing to do with nothing


I Haven't been too the gym the past two days: cause I am EXTREMELY sore from that legs abs crap from the past few, like shuffling and pausing in one flight of steps like I can't cough THAT sore!

And That Trainer UGH! I'm about to confront him in person very shortly: He KEEPS sending me messages and is a variety of both DUMB shit and atrocious grammar and thirst and CAPS this morning samplers included:
After intense workout dont drink mo den 16oz of water 4 da 1st hour ur body willnt absorb it . However please drink @least 64oz of water aday@ room temp

and

Did u eat Breakfest? If so what did u eat?

Ugh! I Feel like this bullshit puts such a damper on my gym time and my texting joy you would think that the fact I've yet to reply to anything would let him know but noooo when mofos don't wanna get a clue they just fucking wont, but yeah come Monday we will have a talk about his taking my number for his personal use essentially

Now then Mens: Let's give it to you in order of Random shit then the tame to wild

Random: This utter fool hit me up asking if I'd like to be foot worshiped and if I wanted a slave (This was not to be the Only time this week, shit not even this month , that I get asked that!)

Random: Yesterday I looked Extra on the cute factor and men in the courthouse just were on some magical extra bullshit themselves (Horn Honking and whatnot) Including the fool with Fuzzy Braids that HOLLERED In the middle of the main lobby: GATDAMN BOO!!?!? YOU IZ FINE!

(is the Belt people!)

The Short Lawyer that Kept eyefucking me while I got my paperwork comes in second cause he was so blatant (and For the record I prefer eye fucking to horns and Scenes, men can be so lacking in finesse 90% of the days of their lives that this is the least invasive problem to be had)

Now Mild to hot bullshit:

Spain2: He is on some weird tip (I Guess you could say work is picking up or he is dating or whatever the fuck, no I don't much care, I'm taking a hands off approach) he texts and I.ms every day talking about "I Miss you" and "Oh i'd be better if you were around" we have yet to figure out a date but that's on me a bit, and yet he's not rescheduled , who knows?, who cares?

Shortie: We are Hanging tomorrow and probably Sunday for a while beach? Pool? who knows the only thing for sure is that someone is going to eat crow...and other things, I'll give him a new reason to Operate that hip

Cuban Vampire (Gem I truly do Hate you for that)AKA the really pretty 41 year old: I saw him online a few days back but didn't feel like dealing so I ignored the whole thing, yesterday he asked me where was the phone number he was supposed to get, and we chatted for a while, he said that he was lamenting his fate with that whole work-no-play bs. I told him to not make that a habit, he said for me to not make a habit to disappear for a whole week when a man has to be all alone in his very nice but lonely bed *gigglement* I told him to remember that if he didn't curb his mouth writing checks I was going to take him to the bank to cash em, he replied that he had the funds and was looking forward to making me richer, I told him that if he kept up I might have to soil my STERLING REPUTATION but Like Mother Teresa I would sacrifice it all if needed be, I then said I'm Spanish To behave so the 3 kings could leave him presents (is a Dominican thing) , he told me he was so good and boring by now that the spicy was Utterly needed. We a exchanged numbers and agreed to do something "Very Flirty and Slightly Innapropriate" next week he explained that Coincidentally his doctor had written him a prescription for the exact same thing LOL I Liked that a Lot

NOM-able Trouble: That boy is extra extra Out... you know why?? Cause I have enough dickshots to make a whole gallery, only his too! and He is extremely pouty when I'm not prompt to stay online bullshiting with him and I Mean Pout and ask and dumb shit and he is extremely fangirling and shit and I mean like ...he seems like he is going to pee all over himself with undue excitement and when I CLEARLY told him I wasn't on a date with him this weekend (or this past week) he was acting like he was besides himself with despair and shit, *Ugh!* I don't like that shit, finally yesterday we were having us a pretty explicit conversation and why this fool just up and asked me to "Make him My slave"

WHAT???!!?!?




Disbelieftown: TC FUCKING COMES OUT OF NOWHERE with this:

I have been thinking about you and wanted to say hi

Hi!!

What I have been listening to

We USED TO do this a lot, no? Ugh!, please do mind the lyrics*eyeroll*

Small known fact I like watermelon more than a human should. I like it in a racially stereotypical way. It is Friday and I have finished a whole watermelon.

This weekends goal: Find a watermelon stand to buy another watermelon. Cutting them up has become a fun conference call activity.

I hope that your summer is treating you well.
Happy birthday (late I know).

After that he was trying to chat me off without much success I was responding in 4 -5 word sentences and if he thought he'd get a gush or a whatever from me he is SADDDDLLLYY mistaken I was trying to make it as butt itchy as possible

Finally tired of my "no", "yes", "good to hear" "that's great" "good for you"'s he said:

Well, I know you are heading out soon, and I just wanted you to know i was thinking about you a lot and wanted to say something... have a good weekend

Thanks you too


I plan on blocking him RIGHT this minute and I'll tell you how I feel about that shit when I'm done being Stunned







What-fucking-ever... a rusty dildo up your anal Cavity is what!

Tips and Tricks

Random stuff I should share with you ladies (share your own in the comments!!)


Remember my home made sugar scrub?? (Honey, sugar, olive oil and water to thin it out??)

Well I got you a BETTER cheaper Alternative to Biore Strips: Elmer's Glue... Don't believe? Try it for yourself, same principle, cheaper, scrub face first and you'll see the whiteheads and grossies come out... just make sure to apply a thick-ish layer that gets in the pores I guarantee it!

Also As a reminder oily faced chicks (like me) Wash your face AFTER you do your hair... Why?? deep conditioning involves oils, and you know what oils beget!

Speaking of which, if you are seating home cleaning, apply some conditioner (a lot) and mix it with Olive oil... just leave it on while you put put about for extra conditioning use a bag and then wrap your towel to generate more heat!

Use Acetone instead of NAIL POLISH REMOVER, and do put on your new nail polish immediately: Acetone takes all the greasy oils out of your nail which in turn makes the Polish stick better, wait about a minute between layers

Yellow nails? Dip em in a solution of Clorox and lemon and water... it'll get them there, next time when doing reds use a layer of uv protecttor (clear usually to avoid that!)

If you go to the beach Put sunblock in your face, ears, neck and Tattoos (to avoid their natural ink expansion)

Spritz a bit of your favorite perfume (his or yours) near your pillows

Speaking of which: I'm SHAMED of how good Paris Hilton's "Can Can" Smells... like dudes stop me good... I am overjoyed when I remember Michael K in Dlisted calling it "Cunt Cunt"!

Oh and This: Use Honey as Lipgloss, it'll taste good, be practical and soften your lips... speaking of soft:

Kerasal or Shea It Ain't so are the BEST foot lotions in the market hands down, wear them then put on your socks at night... It'll be good I promise!

And One More Shout Out To Olay Quench (My new Favorite is the Shea Butter kind ) but truth be told The whole line smells great gives you a non slutty Glow with little flecks... really extra fucking nice!

Cystal Castles- Crimewave: See what I mean?? is almost just better than hearing Shakira rhyming words for the sake of making them rhyme

Metric - Gimme Sympathy .

Crystal Castle- Untrust us: this should be a great addition to my running list



***That cocksucking Trainer just texted me again***

That's what I get for looking: Story of a Self impossed "boo" moment

Let's start with this: Today I didn't go to work I was sneezing, I woke up at 4:55 and had gone to bed at 1:30 am two days in a row, I felt run down so completely that i wanted to sleep, eventually after spending most of my day sleeping/doing toes/buying new leash for spike (his wouldn't retract anymore and he always slips out of his spiked collar cause is much too big for him)

so he got a Cat Collar, with a little fucking bell and he ADORED the jingly noise and he acts extra cute about it!
He is Being Ever so OFTEN with his bullshit, Do you Like his smile with his eyes? the blue is great with his fur,, exact match of his leash and has that fucking atrociously annoying bell, he loves to make it ring he actually peed in the carpet and not in his designated place no less upsetting is the fact that His dumb ass HEAR me and Karrie talking about him and all he'd do was move his ears back and side eye me, Like It is I who needs to be side eyed!??!?!?


Then the gym: this guy came on to me to the gym and decided to "give me tips " on training my abs

He suspiciously closed the session saying some shit about "what you doing tomorrow you got a pretty smile blah blah blah"

Ugh! lets say this: I was polite cause he was polite and decent ish but that sort of mess so early throws me off balance, and also ever so unnatractively: He looks like this


I told the girls that i'd be nice and play along but make it clear that A BITCH LIVES MONTH TO MONTH THERE IS NO TRAINER MONEY HERE

So I did but basically he was all extra today about training my legs and what not and truth be told I WILL take them pointers to maximize my workouts but I flat out told him : I have ZERO money to allocate to this: Is 7am. I also didn't feel like having that conversation or the little digs here and there

Why he walked me to my car tombout: i cannot give you my card in the gym but how about this: Friend me on Facebook and I'll get your number from the log and send you Teddy Tips for training via text and then I'll train you at home and give you a massage for 20 bucks a session... you want a massage later today??!?!??!



FUCCCKINGGG EEE-WWwwwww (see Manita This is the Pickings!) Better yet; I got this text later (is completely unchanged):

TEDDY TIP-a overweight Person's heart is surround by fat has2 pump their bdy's blood a extra mile. dus cuz da heart 2 work harder da r mo prone 2 heart attack

I Ask you this: what the FUCK is this???


Onwards then About Spain2: Although Manita says it does not suit me to be insecure In reality I have been having qualms; for several reasons, let's go from small to big, shall we, But let's fully disclosed I created this for Actually EFFECTIVELY doing my research on homeboy (which I always do on every dude) and it speaks more about MY issues and insecurities than about anything in play:

First of all : Miami Drives

Second: I see A Gazillion Pictures in: Brazil, Australia, Barcelona, London, Florence, Vegas, doing a variety of activities: Rugby, Martial arts, scuba diving, Marathon, (Awesome this is more a point of Healthy Envy and longing and wishing I wasn't saddled with this place and bills, intimidating nonetheless but not for the reasons you think, is more of a Play hard much?!.. To writ Would I like more happenings along those lines in my life, yes so much?? NO I'm quite comfortable with telling you a glass of wine does me in, and I hate clubs, I'm a Homebody, I'm cooking for my friends, I'm the sober companion!)


Resume Online (remember I haven't done anything other than google him up a Bit)
"He studies in the Polytechnic University of Madrid and in the Ecole Centrale Paris with an Erasmus scholarship. He completes his Degree in 2004 second of his class of more than 360 engineers (Top 1%).

During the studies he is the class representative, rugby team Captain and a member of the professional Forum Heliatom directors board.

He completes his final project in the EM2C science laboratory in Paris working in Cleantech. After finishing his studies he works for Electricite de France (EDF) in the R&D department in Paris, applying quantitative modeling to wind power production.

In January 2005 he joins The Boston Consulting Group where he focuses in Energy, Telco and Consumers Goods sectors. In top of his work on strategy consultancy, he also coordinates the recruiting activities for new Associate Consultants.

He begins an MBA in the Stanford Graduate School of Business in 2007, with a scholarship from The Rafael del Pino Foundation.

He speaks fluently English, French, Spanish, and is learning Portuguese. He loves traveling, reading and practicing sports, having a Judo black belt and a lifeguard license."

Woooowwwww that is a. fucking lot, better yet......


The ex gf, whom he still friendly with is: A Lawyer, British and A Miss Olympia Competitor and winner

The Tall Heffa with The Crown...the...crown, awesome

The girl with the Face of Butter is not relevant friends (and To be honest her triceps are what Dreams are made of) This is all relevant cause:

Although I feel I'm doing awesome in life (Being broke notwithstanding)

And I'm doing the right things with my body (no more Laxatives, no teas, no daily purges and binges and food anxiety, fruits and veggies, no meat, no daily weight-ins, an hour cardio, no obsessive fat grabbage and self criticizing pictures, shit I even smile /smirk in Most pictures nowadays!)

Mami Has been stressing me Horribly again calling me fat and being stank and suggesting surgery

And Binks Is getting her crap redone by the same doctor, this makes me anxious, Very very anxious

And why JUST two days ago I was joking with J back and forth and we in fact touched upon how my exes have always been very demanding of my appearance, like I have gotten comments from that David Character because I was wearing sweatpants once to walk spike in the snow, likewise once I was dog sick but looking presentable and the Joel Mesa Vanilla Experience loudly voices in Walmart after observing some lady with a Doo rag: AWW MAH GAwd I Love you so much cause YOU won't ever do that! ever.

Make no mistake, he was Probably right BUT the fact I didn't feel like I'd ever have a leeway does swing back to the same horrid things I'd hear from my Mami growing up, you know: "Stay skinny stand straight", "as a black girl you have to do it better", "if your bra shows you're a slut", "most guys won't like you if give a choice between you and someone else", "you gotta make sure to smell good, else you probably don't and people won't like you" "no one likes you if you're fat and dark"... Blehhh Is her issues growing up in a racist society, and even she has come to acknowledge them as a fallacy but she kindly gave us some of that delectable shit

Anyways that made me all think; You Know what?? I might not want to fuck with that for several reasons;

It is kind of a clusterfuck

I have stayed ambivalent in spite of his niceness and looks (I asked him the other day in reply to his "I Miss you" : Are you being nice of trying to get ass?)

He is nice but sort of like I've mentioned before clingyish??

(I bailed out of Today and the weekend for sure, I'm spending time with Shortie, I got a Hilarious exchange re: That!)

I also get a sense this would be a Play Hard Person (like he has been here two weeks NEVER alone more than a day with friends from all over coming)

Also admittedly that whole shit is kind of "fuck-with-me-intimidating" but mostly I'm a happy slacker, like I told Manita; it might sound self sabotage but: I got no money a crappy set of housekeeping skills(even If I cook and Iron like a dream AND naked), a loud pooch and an actual pooch!

But there is the fact that He'll get spoiled with the hot skinny chippies in Miami and simply put; I'm not about to compete with the 18 year olds, well not compete cause I don't do that but be sized up against, or you know made feel worried or anxious, not even by my own damned brain!, is not happening, you know?? and if this is somebody used to be with women that are "Just so" I can assure you THAT won't be me.. I can do better but I'm not going to be pressured on that road to self improvement or whatever, I'm not cookie cutter, I'm not standard whatever and , whilst at 29 I'm doing better than I have been since my early 20s
which is pretty Badass for a person that hates the gym and healthy eating

I'm NOT cutting out more food off my tummy for the sake of Outskinnying an Ideal, I've YET to go back to school (and It won't be for a Law Degree Mami!) I like naps and laying at the beach, or something chill in the water!, I genuinely like time alone or reading a damned book

So today it was a time to rest, decompress, drink tea and TRULY stop myself from starting the unhealthy self criticizing asshole-to self habits and the pity party, and that went over well for me today

:-)

Truth be told he's not made me feel any old kind of way but this is an honest self assessment based on the info at hand and feeling myself out in a situation that most likely would make me feel somewhat butt itchy and uncomfortable especially if he is as vocal as he is to chicks about body/workout and he was in his blog about himself and his friends etc, not hate, everything ain't for everyone, is all!

That simply means that I'll talk to him etc but I'm not pursuing this situation so hard at all nor am I giving it a lot of priority or time ...but couldIgetsomemonstercock!


Shortie though!?? is doing much better redeeming himself and all today he cracked me the FUCK up he said Completely serious: I'm feeling funny QQ... like weird, Like maybe I got some testosterone built up or something, just unable to sleep

(Mind you we'd agreed to spend the weekend together)

Bwahahah shortie, howdafuck YOU figure you have a "testosterone build up???"

"Well, cause I'm thinking about you a lot and looking at your pics..." (nothing raunchy, just pics in my work outfits)

"LOL Fool you just Horny!, but let the Management know if we can assist you with your damned issues"

"I'll submit a request in writing, Princess"

"You do that *giggles*"

"I wish you would have told me you were taking the day off, I would have too so I could take care of you today and pamper you lots and lots, also regarding this business of your assistance I wish you would but then you give out so quickly, all crying uncle and stuff talking about you are overwhelmed"

"No you ain't you Retard ass!, I KNOW your Old-you're going-to-kill-me-girl- ass ain't even insinuating some dumb shit!!"

"LOL, yup, you are so weak baby!"

"Game on Bitch, I hope you brought your side shields for the leg crunch I'm gonna give you and extra condoms..... Asshole"

"Looking forward to it Princesa Morena!"

O Rly????


This was playing during the workout

Sneaker Pimps- The Fuel


September- Cry for You: she is giving extra servings for no reason, like Damn white Girl sister Friend!

How exactly...

Do I manage for example to:


...Bring you This type of awesome early in the week???


...Be so extra hardcore before 6 am?

....Be so Queen Size Tranny-Disrespectful (as per J) Fuck it in my little mind I deserved a parade and two sides of Xmas after the workout I put inWHAAAA?? my work was DONE at that time

...Be So Grateful : My sister spent all day with Hannah and her Mom in Law in a Children's Hospital, they now think HannaBanana is fine *I swear I was grinding my teeth when my sis called!* Thanks you guys for the love and support I told Binks about each one of you that put in a word, asked about her, kept her in mind


......Cram so Much man Bullshit on a weekend.... well not so much but here lies the "situation"at hand which we will work with for a minute (as in Trouble and Tasty Cuban and maybe even Weezy need to be carefully phased down a bit ... not exactly out just ... you know, evaluated carefully and ever so slowly)

Apparently I'm dating Two Spaniard men, same name just now same level of niceness and "touches" and willingness to date my hard ass, we are talking like forcing the words out and rolling with with when I won't say jackshit (cause you know me and feelings)


One more thing: PACKING LIKE YOU CANNOT IMAGINE

UGH!

Let's break it down shall we??: Initially I was coming to tell you that after what? Sunday, Shortie (Spain1 ) was super distraught at our conversation (he thought I was dropping him, I said I would if he kept the retard around but not as an ultimatum thing, more like I don't want to deal with whatever that Is!) but Monday we spoke and then Poof!- Vanished

Well Last night and today he i.m'ed me about how he:

Had just come back from NC/NY trip, a week and a half long and he was trying to see WHY I did not once call him (Um, Cause I told you I wouldn't so long as you were harboring an asshole that goes through your phone log, Nothing personal I just took myself out of that, YOU could call me)


How he did not have my number and he kept thinking it was important to have a cellphone and he is getting one within the next two weeks, and for work too, as it turned into a mess (well done, Friend!... he actually called me twice before his shift was over)



About how he is saving some movies to watch with me (O' Really?? INNERESTING and sweet)


How I was a Meanie and a hardass for not calling him cause he's been checking his VM hoping to get a call (Ha! I thought I told you that shit myself, I recall the words "asshole" and "Hardliner about this type of shit" being used)



that he Missed me soooo much (awwwww)



Have I been dating anyone? (Um THAT would be none of your business and we are NOT exclusive, nor should we rush to that and I'm not asking you that and furthermore that has NOTHING do with you and I and this convo would be a wrap if it was me asking him as it is assumed that as a Man he'd be doing that... he apologized profusely and segued into my Hair looking gorgeous and thinking that he liked it either way but Curly better... oh Cause I sent him the pics you see up there)

So then he also told me he might need some hip surgery cause he had a hard fall Mountain biking last 6 months and things were not healing well so that might happen cause thus far he has been doing Physical therapy etc, but is barely addressing the problem, I felt bad for him, somehow when he called tonight we got to talking about how he felt hurt that I didn't call him at all but that also in thinking about those pics I sent earlier that he HAD to make sure to call that Goddess (Down Baby!) and also just so that he understood well I explained exactly why I won't call him, he says: I promise next time you come there won't be any inconveniences I replied:

Oh I KNOW That, LOL!

he told me DumbCunt was all trying to tug at his heartstrings but he offered no further respite he suggested she crashed her friends' for a while and then assured me that he was horrified that I had to be in the middle of that and that now I was probably thinking he was a weirdo, I countered with:

"No is cool a bit Re-re but nothing major, Special Ed will have you fine in no time"

He said we shouldn't spend time talking about that mess anymore cause It has nothing to do with us, he used the words "Mi Linda" and I don't think anyone has called me that since I was a kid, hmmmm nice then, so dating within one's language does offer that advantage great terms of endearment even if I explained to my Manita that i can not use filthy sex language in bed In Spanish... I think it has to do with losing my Virginity here and mostly dealing with American or Americanized dudes and well, having sex way past my teens, like my language and persona were well formed... I know such a shame but really when I say ANYTHING in Spanish it sounds stupid as fuck and forced, but I digress


ACTUALLY you know How come he has good money and traveling and all this other stuff?? Turns out that Homey IS a Programmer, he IS in sales, Mass Marketing, Products and development...And Post Production, music editing.........




.......


.......














....IN PORN





And his Momma KNOWS about it and They haven't told his 80 year old Dad cause he'd *swoon* and tell all their friends and THAT they won't have !!!

They are one of the biggest programmers retailers etc in this coast, people!!!!

He tells me waits a lot to open up to people about that cause is kind of hard to explain and hard to skip the whole judgment thing but he feels that I am pretty laid back (which I am) and I already established I'm into porn (LOL, no wonder he is D-O-N-E with that!) me? I basically said: dude, is a job pays the bills, allows you to live comfortably, and travel so fuck what you heard buddy, not I

Then after that he kept the sweets and baby talked, asked me to spend the weekend hanging out with him that he'd cook and would I go to Texas De Brazil with him? (to do what? break meat fast???) and then started saying: look if you were my girlfriend and you were around, this would be your place, I'm a provider so I know money talk makes you squeamish but that's what I would do plain and simple (for the record we were talking about his ex living large and not spending a lick of her money when they were together and his reasoning behind it, my take: everyone should contribute to the household, his take "i take care of you, period")

He also invited me to another UFC fight almost a freaking month from now





Let's hang out during the week with Spain2: let's explain a few points

Thus far, he's texted every morning on his workout hour and as soon as he settles in the office

and then there was the date: OH Friends, The Date!

Nothing too terrible happened, it was A BEAUTIFUL place where he stayed, and he was SUPER gracious as a host showed me all the place... here, a little snapshot



Is essentially a glass Cube, you gotta close windows for privacy and stuff, we were in the 32nd floor, there is a pool on the 25th I think?, he wanted to go to the Jacuzzi and although well armed with my Instead.. I was having a period! so nothing was going to happen no matter what..or so I thought, in fact I said as much: Movie and chat and then I'm Out: I don't care if we've talked every day these past 2 months, is all about reconnaissance and PEOPLE KNOW Q is here!!

and well, he is Supercute, my height (BOO!) but you all had already ragged Plenty on me about midgetting so this was a relief, yep he is a few seconds and a half taller than Shortie, but whatever! so he got me comfy, we picked out the movie we wanted to watch while talking about his stay so far (he's had friends from Stanford come over, he walks to work since the apt is technically the financial district, and If I didn't tell you he is 32 and a Financial Analyst picked out straight from finishing his Masters) well he was touchy but the right way, I giggled and asked why were we speaking English, he thought it was a deference to me, then told me he liked my Spanish accent even better so we start watching the movie and we are comfy sort of touching and then BAM! Kiss on the shoulder!


You recognize THAT was my weak Boiling point under regular circumstances, right? right??? so yyyeeeeeaaah That Period kept me a lady ya'll! the whole time we are Effectively Making out i was like: You know this is the hell of a bad First Impression, right?

In between kissing and going for the legs (NNOOOOOO) he whispered: Baby who cares, if you are comfortable and I'm comfortable then that's crazy talk, are you ok??

Yup!

Then let me kiss you some more.. and This is when I had to excuse myself to the bathroom...




essentially and simply put: I'm NOT a Size Queen contrary to popular belief (Hi J!).. and this dude was packing a penis of SCARY proportions, As In, um Monster cock size








Like I seriously texted the girls mid Date: HOLY SHIT he is huge!FYI my clothes Miraculously and against all odds Stayed on, His Not so much I might as well appreciate the whole thing (NICE BOD) even for a Little bit, before I called it A wrap, he didn't get my whole standard treatment and he was cool about it, simply kissed me rubbed my back we went back to attempting to watch the movie but now he was just rubbing my feetsies and constantly asking if I was Ok

Hilariously since he was checking his phone and emails I saw he had some emails from the site, but you know me, I was totally ok cause:

A) I'm not extra attached until I have to

B) Is Ok to play up his options, I Know I am playing with mine!

C) I wouldn't hate on him if he decided to deal with someone else after all, you know blue balling him, being kinda, like I am, or maybe not as Preciously in shape and pretty as all the material that stays around SoBe and That Place (HOLY Shit people were STUNNING up In that bitch...STUNNING, A lot of Latinos) but I do not know what the chances of that are going to be in the short term: I mean he walked me to the elevators... and we made out while we waited

***Aside : That Place had ORIGINAL Romero Britto Stone Carvings, It was amazing, I woulda taken a picture but I would have looked like a Dumbfuck !... wait!!
Awesome Twitter Lady!!!! YOU RULE EVER SO HARD!... it really does't do it justice, I swear it to you!**

Then we took the second set of elevators: And we made out (this time in front of people .. Oh my!, not horribly so, you know, a neck kiss and a peck and more kissing, him telling me about the friends that were crashing that night til tomorrow)

we made out against my car too! and then he says:

"Don't leave without telling me when do I see you again"

"when we both make the time?"

"No"

"tomorrow, Monday, Tuesday? every Day??"

"Um aren't your friends here?"

"who cares?, Ok Tuesday?"

"yeah yeah, ok , we can do that"

And he faithfully texted in the morning, still giving me terms of endearment in English, I thought I told him I could speak Spanish?! and repeating over and over that he was sooooo happy we got together and hung out and had fun and that he MUST see me and spend time with me ASAP and why so many "no's"instead of giving in which I clearly did want to and would I go to dinner with him and all types other questions and whatnot and checking up on me throughout the day

I Like Shortie's approach to that better but that's not to say I'm Not Liking Spain2, to be honest pictures are not working for him cause he is REALLY pretty and extra cute and sexy about the body and Um... HUNG but I'm ambivalent, like I Hope the Q fever of either one of these two comes and goes after a couple of times and shit cause Is just too weird to be in this situation, same name, same accent? close-ish in age? successful on what they do (I suspect cause the nature of his business Spain2 has an edge as a Nice dresser, but I Like the overall Niceness of Shortie even if the height fucks with me hard, neither of them cares about My height so why am I such a cunt about theirs?? plus they could overpower me in a few seconds even if I've been told: WHOA For a girl you can go toe to toe!?? you know what I Mean???? ) and until one is determined to be a serious asshole they are both nice, generous, sweet dudes, I just am well trained to not get attached until I have to but for some reason I'm one of those rare chicks that can easily compartmentalize sex/romance/attachment, like this might sound horrid, but as adults clearly speaking of your expectations and using double backing protection: I don't see the problem with one night stands

Blah blah blah Bad for you etc etc But for ME and how I release tension, which I've always shared with you (*snort*) is not really that much of an ABOMINATION, is just what it is so long as I'm very attracted and sober to make my choices that's all it is: A Choice!, Maybe your Vice is drinking, or coke or whatever, I don't have those, not to say I'd want sex with anyone or that ridiculousness of calling a person a NYMPHO (there is a difference between a high sex drive and like doing even hobos!) But if I like someone, they like me we vibe, Why should it be harder than that if we're both single? I Own that !

And WWHHHYYYYYYY did Pasty Jump on some hot sauce about how He's told his Miniwife that there is only one person he's going to need permission to fuck in all his married life and that'll be me and we'll have fun??!?!?

say What??????!?!

I told him why would I want to see your fluorescent Tube?? He said to quit Lying that I know we'd have fun and Mini just replied: "catch me drunk"

?????

Oh lord I told him to shut the fuck up, he replied: stay as Black as Possible My dearest Chocomuffin??!?

who Is this FOOL!?!

OMG and This: For Music BESIDES giving me rock lullabies to help me sleep (Rockabye Baby! Lullaby interpretations of Nirvana, Radiohead, NIN, Metallica Bjork, Beatles... trust me AMAZING! Simply AMAZING, Paranoid Android Is NEVER going to be a bad song EVaR!!!)

J Also gave me JADIOHEAD and Little Known fact is: There is No accounting for taste, for some weird reason I LOVVVVEEEE any party crap with Jay z on it, which hello ! It's me, i'd usually never Touch rap/hip hop if I can mostly help it (not my cup of tea, lack the sensibility whatever) But Jay Z?? THERE!

so what does my BFFF In the whole fucking world does?? He finds me Jay Z and Radiohead (who he knows me to love to levels of Stanning) and Is a Mash up and Is GLORIOUS!


Jaydiohead- Dreaming Up: Mangfuckingnificent! simply put!


Jaydiohead- Dirt off your Android- I cannot Pass up ANYTHING that's going to be Paranoid Android Flavored


Jaydiohead- Lucifer's Jigsaw: I adored Jigsaw Puzzle off of Radiohead's last one and It was the Guitars in it so I'm sooooooooo happy to hear them here like so

I am Gifted

in that I'm like a sex and troublegetting savant... tell me I'm not?


UGH!


Let me give you tasty morsels, for your perusal a propos of not a damned thing


So true to every mothafucking weather forecast I NEVER know when I'm about to have a period cause I cant tell my cycle (Jesus Lord, I'm never prepared EVER EVER EVER It's always a surprise and it goes from Oh I'm spoting to JESUSFUCKINGCHRISTWHYYYOUGAVEMETTHESESORRYOVARIESFOR /Gush eVilcano within HOURS!) for shit and I never go psycho but I might as well set that to Weezy's fucking me cause DING DING DING we do it and two things happen:

I get a period the next day and dudes fall from trees like low branch extra sweet Mangoes and shit:

Let's review then:

He's been texting me all week and because of Shortie's own precarious stay as well as GIJoe FAILDQ I had not a problem chatting him up to no particular end, right?

Well last night after Spain2 failed to amuse me (he is acting SO thristy .. I'm getting to that ) he texted me about
"let's go to bed late"
Um... together??
Come over and lets Blankety blankety blank blank blank
OH Lord.... I'm on the way, asshole
LMAO

so I get there and he is talking to him momma on the phone apparently she is moving with her boyfriend and is sort of endearing that he IS nice to his momma and shit, right?, we were watching Lockdown (WHYYY must we stay on some rancid Tv watching??) he tells her: Ma enough Talking , let's text!!!

Why was he texting his momma?? then proceeded to turn me on my stomach take my thong off with his teeth and shit( like biting my butt and what have you)?? all while we are still watching Lockdown and REPLYING??!??! and telling me the story of the soon to be stepdad??

UGH!

Fail!

eventually I took the phone from him, and got to working and he was damned near weeping, I mean it, was some funny shit cause he was real life obfuscated about QQ's Mad Skilz talking about:

"Fuck me Jesuuussss Girl what are you fucking doing to meeee"
"GOD The way you Make Love to that dick"
"did you miss it baby" (Baroo?? whoooo ARE YOU CALLING BABY??)

You know how sometimes kids throw a hissy fit or when you are about to cry but you don't and you are kind of sob-whine -talking ??? Well he was doing that and it was HIGHLARIOUS he was Whinny and about in-tears, soon enough though I got my due big time MAN that guy does NOT shy away from proper Fishycat Nom-ing LOL! he was on some weird shit last night I wanted to tell him that he's goingto be fucked when I move on and he's left out cold as much as I spoiled his ass, I did tell him that he worked for that backrub tho!

This morning I didn't feel like getting up but I did and had a great workout, plus my boss gave me a shitload of an energy drink called Celsius that: Has no sugar, no corn syrup burns up to 100 cals, is only 10 cals and non carbonated... Real talk I was about to Tapout this morning and stay in bed, since I went to bed at 1-2?? when that shit kicked??? PSSHHH I was like the Energizer bunny from hell, it was so extra that i was Perfectly fine all the way past 12

Now then tonight I'm supposed to have a movie date or some sort of shit with Spain2 this is SPain 2

Mia and I Are concerned about height (no Truth be told that Asshole ain't concerned, she is relishing this shit, she wants a report) I Am concerned and trust, I'd cut this one over height cause:

- I already have ONE short Nigga per decade allowance, and it's been filled

-he act like I'm going to be hanging with him all the time or something

- Miami Drives when I'm not even sure if the goods are, well.... Good

-He is FINELY toeing the line between nice/ buggaboo/thirst (you know kinda how we felt Russian was trying to stick to me like chewed gum and hanging for a life) in that Ok so I get a morning text every morning (EVERY MORNING) and he is on some Oh I like you shit... um ok you don't yet know if I'm a dick!? and then he's asked me a couple dumb things which I've not answered on purpose: "Oh are we hanging out this weekend?" (did I say that?, NOOOOOO), Are you going to wear something cute? (am I stupid? don't tell me how I'm going to dress for a date buddy) , or for example if we are talking to each other then he goes

" may I see your webcam"

Me: No

Why not :(

Cause I'm not dressed appropriately and I don't feel like getting up

Oh i don't Mind

I'm sure you don't that wasn't a question or a choice statement

UGH! I hate both pressure expectation and thirst, I'm thisclose to canceling on him TODAY! (plus my period is not letting me be great) , who knows?, he has 2 drinks to make the conversation pop and make me laugh enough to bother, and the stunning view he showed me yesterday via webcam is NOT going convince me of anything! I've fucked men in Luxury High rise Beachfront Balconies before... WITH spectators thank you very much!

Moving right along....


This tasty morsel started talking to me today:
Cuban Parents, 41, Sessay, born and raised in NJ, Lawyer in MIA (God Is trying to punish me and since I've dated Miami, Spaniards and Cuban True to what i told Leogoddess I'm sure I'm due for a white pointy hat wearing southern asshole type soon? *shudder*)

I like that he told me about his divorce, and disliking being alone and kinda ready to start dating and that I should be kind on him but that since he is also a trash talker he'd be honored if I make him follow through on that, had been making me laugh a LOT today, we bonded over how that site is so full of teachers, separated folk, people that Like Starbucks and walks on the beach that I'ma start a Beach Walkers Anonymous and he can be my first member, he said that was romantic but only if I joined him at Starbucks, LOL

He Said we were a good interviewer/interviewee pair and asked me when is our date: I replied that if I didn't hate him Monday we could do a ceremonial Number exchange and I'll leave it up to him when he'd call, but not to worry cause in the end a date is just a Slutty Job Interview

He told me that E-harmony commercials made him worried


And this is my TROUBLE potential (cause gentleman up above you DATE) , this one is right in my area
... and in response to my:
"I will give A chance to any man that wants to date me and meets my likes/dislikes even a bit, plus I reciprocate in kind, treat me well and it'll come back to you"

to his "Would You date this white guy, you stunning creature?!",

he gives me:

Then you are going to have to Like me INTENSELY

BWahahah

He asked if I was busy at work

I replied yes OBVIOUSLY


he banters back with: "Oh I can Totally see"

"Well, I'm Multitasking, you know Female DNA is great for that"

"Yes I Know you guys are evil like that"

Me??? evil, I know NOT what you speak of sir!

See?? NOW I know for sure, is in your eyes and it shows Madam!, May I tell you you are EXTREMELY Beautiful

You May, I'll reply "Thanks" and "You are not so hard on my eyes either"


Extra Bonus, he looks like a a rougher version of Married Boy... that'll do nicely, let's hold off on Nicknames until we determine if there is a round 2









a NOT so Tasty Morsel??

From: smith1974 (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Beautiful Eyes Sent Date: 7/23/2009 11:57:22 AM
Michelle Obama...let me be ur rush limbaugh...umm Dear Blacklatina, The following images were automatically attached because your mail settings specify that new contacts must have a picture in order to email you.
Block User | Users I blocked Send | Reply | Delete

Did that Make you sad or just gave you a gigglefit??? I vote BOTH for me, NO I didn't even reply to that hot mess, the hair, the Grainy pics, the invocation of Rush Limbaugh??? Groddy

She Wolf Stories, Recaps and Other Stuff

So Much to tell you already

For example:

I Love my summer color, I Do, and so do you, you all tell me all the time

Glow addiction

You know who hates it??:

Dark lipstick is of note on that ^^ picture

if you guessed Mami you win a thousand bucks, even the time when I don't go to the beach I stay Extra Black, and I Loves it ever so much, Is just that hot and sunny out, well what do you know I've gone to hang with them this weekend (after a red blood cells donation that took forever!) and before that like on Friday and not only did she start with the "You are Fat " thing cause she hates my thighs and ass (which were encased in shorts and which I happen to work out... she just hates big asses and mine is) and then Started pursing her lips and telling me about skin cancer and stayed the whole time saying, I'm darker than you and I don't look as bad as you do right now, Why are you so dark? spent the rest of our time together stealing glances, having pursed lips and whatnot, if she got paid in gold for her self hate or to nag or to spend the maximum amount of time with her child who she least liked (and I did get a coin myself, Commission People! COMMISSION!) we'd both be rich bitches!!!


Also! Today is My sister's Birthday, she is taking the munchkin to the dr today and monday which is Bummitude of the highest de-fucking-gree! but this morning me and Pabul called her at the same exact time so she put us on 3 way call and we sang Happy Birthday Venezuelan Style changing the words to double entendres like we used to Every Birthday back home... also yesterday she found out that save for an upcoming 500 bucks deposit, she has ZERO money on her account, you see, The person that stole her purse went on a shopping spree to Palmdale and Lancaster as well as Bakersfield, Rodolfo Garcia and you Keystone Kops in the Lake Isabella Bakersfield area: Rot In Hell expeditiously! Anywhoo, Major dosage of love and prayers for that her today!

Also: On Deference to my Manita who STAYS Bossing/Macking and Doing Various forms or regulation and side eye on me (AKA Pulling Rank) I have switched my workouts, basically she is tired of sending me to bed (even though she enjoys talking to me all types of late) she marvels that she can call at 3 am and I'll be all perky and on some methead hot shit, she (and Bossitude) rightly have pointed that my Night workouts (usually 8:30/9 til about 11) are what fucks my sleep cycle, so she's been prodding for a while to do mornings instead of night but I've always been paranoid that I'm NOT going to make work on time

Well Turns out my bitchass ran out of excuses and dark circles cause i found out that my gym opens at 5 am, I could feasibly make it, so I've been getting up at 5 and actually getting a whole workout all before 7: 00 (only time will tell if it's as effective) but I can report that: I feel much much much better in the mornings since I tend to be that asshole giving fingers, hollering in the morning and being nasty, so I'm pretty pepped up, AND I've been OPENING the office, doing all my work and shit before everyone gets to the office!

Only draw backs are That by 12pm I'm CRASHING HARD! like terribly so, Boss has this energy drink called Celcius and he's saved me half his bottle and that shit would hop you up so hard and fast that you get extra REALLY quick... how extra? Monday I was here at work with no shoes, with my Zune connected to the speakers playing dub and reggae and redoing our two Mondo cabinets!, lol!; the other thing is that excepting yesterday (I went to bed at about 7:30pm I was BURNT OUT!) I can't manage to fall and stay asleep properly... but maybe I've turned a bit of a corner on this thing for the better.... you should see my boss' face in the morning to find my desk clean and a Chirpy QQ!, another Hater on this change is Spikey Michael Christopher, he is SO used to our sleepy times that he doesn't notice me slipping out of the house but he BLANCHES when he sees me get back at 7am or so, if he could talk, he'd berate me like a mom or some shit, even when I'm walking him he stays looking back at me, livid, avoiding peeing, like I said on my twitter acting like I both killed Baby Jesus and told him the ending to Every Movie in Life!

Maybe the reason I can't stay asleep is because of that Manfront business:

Shortie calling me at 11:30 pm, to talk

Or Weezy Texting me about wanting that ass on his face soon (hmmmmmmmmm)

Or G. I Joe Essentially buying us VIP one way tickets to hell!: Why you ask? That boy started by asking me how my day was, ended with " I want you to use me, rape me and make me your bitch... I got us handcuffs!

And if you didn't think it was possible to be even wronger than I've been in the past then allow me to clarify: At 11:00 2 nights ago I told him to leave his door open, and put the dog on his cage (only cause that BIG ASS Baby LOVES ME) he says: I'm so sleepy Though, but I want you.. I reply:

It was NOT a Suggestion or a question, Bitch!

So then I wore this REALLY amazingly cute set from Rampage, and a small wrap black dress that is probably made for a petite bitch size nothing, but I wore it anyways, You could see the bra a bit cause it was a ruffled Business (Karrie and Manita approved and yes I SENT them that pic, what the fuck you thought?, I'd show you too but I'm In no position to post that shit, I still own a gut!) additionally Black Thigh highs and black heels and a little whorebag with a couple of vibes, condom, lube and wipes and a black belt (wide enough to either be a blindfold or a tie up device.. I shouldn't have worried, as it turned out the Handcuffs he bought did come with blindfold and ropes!) all I'm saying is that Fool got his wishes, I'm talking: bitten, scratched, slapped, choked, sat on, handcuffed, violated and he didn't have a choice on the matter so as to protest cause on the first squirm I basically slapped him, gagged him told him to be good if he wanted repeat business... yes the Anal vibe came back out and trust, this time he wanted to resist and shit, but what can you do when you are handcuffed?

...And needless to say we both were happy... VERY happy! I have a future as a domme, I KNOW this! ... after he passed out I went ahead and let myself out but I got a text next day asking if i wasn't happy I gave him a chance to redeem himself, is remarkable what putting dudes on short notice and quick fuse gets accomplished! He afterward (as we lingered between rounds 1-2) asked me what the fuck someone with my appetites do when I don't get what I need, I replied: Excessive Porn and None of your business, he told me that if the "none of his business" included ever a threesome again in any capacity, that I should keep him in mind for such an occasion as I knew he could deliver things for me ROTFLMAO

But what do You know as of today I JUST cut his ass off As in SUCK scale of FAIL: Starts with a call from him a bit ago saying he was thinking about me and Oh BTW has my cousin called you?

UM NO should he? not that I don't think this is you or/ and has EVERYTHING to do with you!

NO Babe, Listen I just want you to know that what we do is between you and me

Whatever I'm off to do some more work and if you call me better make it snappy and early, ok bye

Ok





Maybe an hour and a half after this the "Unknown" calls begin... after the 3 one I pick up... the first time I BARK: Who's THIS!

...Silence....


fourth call: What do you want??

UM Hii, is Chris, Karl's Cousin

AND? How is is that answering my question when I Know who the fuck are you!?

Well, I...

NOT A THING DICKHEAD, this is what you gonna do, you gonna lose my number or I am going to start playing your stupid ass , I'm going to find your info since you already have given me a Name and a number and I'm going to get to this dumb girl you have and WE are going to have us a NICE convo

OMG No wait, wait, Karl had called you and then he said you were really nice and fun and he has been talking about you again so I thought maybe.. I don't know, I mean he told me to give you the choice that maybe you'd mess with me if you felt...

....NOPE YOU THOUGHT NOTHING, I'm the one talking here you BITCHASS (and trust Jewish Intern is standing there SAVORING the whole thing cause he is witness of the harassment) so here is a directive straight from the Horse's mouth DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FUCKING CALL ME AGAIN OR I"M GOING TO PROVERBIALLY RAM YOUR ASS SO HARD YOU GONNA NEED LAXATIVES AFTER I'M DONE FUCKING YOUR LIFE OVER, furthefucking more text that baby cousin of yours before I get to him cause you'd want to tell him before I do how done he is with my fun ass!

*click*

Text Karl: YOU BEST CALL ME IMMEDIATELY

2 minutes later:

*giggling* baby, listen..

NEGATIVE MOTHERFUCKER YOOOOUUU Listen up: I hope the words DONE are familiar to your stupid ass

Now Q , baby, calm down, hold-on- a second

LISTEN KARL, DONT YOU FUCKING GIVE ME CALM VOICE : LETS FUCKING REVIEW, YOU DUMB LITTLE SHIT: why would you call me earlier then ask if your cousin called me? why would he call me? Why Are you such a dumb ass turd? why would he be allowed to have my number when I expressly told you to cut that shit out??

baby...

FUCK YOU AND YOUR "BABYS" NIGGA, let me explain to you what is going to NOT happen: Since I'm TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT, I HAVE NO PATIENCE, I'M WORKING AND I ALREADY WARNED YOUR STUPID PEA BRAINED BIG COCKED BUT OBVIOUSLY DUMB AS FUCK ASS .... YOU. ARE. NOT . TO . CALL. ME. EVER. AGAIN. THAT . MEANS. YOU. AND. I . ARE. NOT. FUCKING. AGAIN!, Got It

(I think he was embarrassed to get yelled at so loud I went to conduct my yellage to the building's rooftop for comfort, I always run up there to sun up, talk shit etc)

Can we Talk about thi...

NO YOU FUCKING RETARD, WE CAN'T AND WE WON'T AND YOU ARE NOT ANYWHERE NEAR EVER GETTING IT SO DON'T WAIT TIL I COOL DOWN, DON'T ACT LIKE A STALKER, DON'T CALL, DON'T BLAME IT ON YOUR COUSIN, DON'T ACT CUTE, IS DONE

Ok.. im so sor...*click*

Bonus Text: "Dumb Muthafucka you couldn't just keep your mouth shut, could you"





ANNDD Spain 2 has texted me every day, several times a day included when he gets up to his workout since he made it here, he invited me to come to his new new place frankly is weird and not BUT I guess is like Blogworld, you talk all the time, exchange stories, joke back and forth, is almost liek you know the people and there is this built in familiarity so you feel comfortable when you meet peeps... well I think is going to work out the same way with Spain2... I'm wondering if he'll turn out to be a short little asshole, Ugh! cause that'd be my Giganta Luck kicking in!

Oh He stays in Brickell Ave... 44 fucking mins away but in front of the beach, all the ammenities (and peeps wonder why I despise going to the filthy parking clusterfuck from hell called Miami??!) Spiffy, non? potential clusterfuck: he is acting like "can we do something this weekend, can we go to the beach? can we do stuff Saturday"

That could interfere with Other Man related plans, most specifically Shortie's BUT since I'm a cooly distant Chance giving heffa I'm going to see who makes his plans first and sort of go from there, I might even fit Shortie without shortchanging Spain2.. Besides that also means me texting Weezy something nasty and saying: "I'm on the way, shower, nigga!"

**update that**Drinks Friday Night , perfect for assessment and to let me move on with my life... is it wrong that because I hate MIAMI SO MUCH I am hoping and praying he hates me on sight even though he already tells me I'm too beautiful all the time??? or maybe that he goes to the beach and club all the time and that he hooks up with everything that moves?? or that he meets some cute Brazilian skinny hussy at the beach with big tits?? Don't get me wrong I like him, he is hot-ish and age appropriate and such... I just hate Miami that much that I'm hoping for someone to knock itself out or get tired of my cold bitch unavailability antics

But I told Manita yesterday to her eternal Hate that if I was greedier or played my cards right what these fools communicate to me is : I could might have me sex EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK left to my own devices!

Oh Miren Pollitos!, Shakira has gifted me with my new Theme Song, Is perfectly appropriate for me in every aspect, the sort of shit I like and the story of my dating life all in one! (yes, It is my current long ass ringtone!)

Shakira- Loba- This shit is inane as fuck but is def. electronica-ish and bass full so definitely is for me, sample lyrics tell you this is the song I'm listening in my head from now when I walk with hair-wind and smiling with my eyes


Who wouldn't want a lycan goddess
In the ardor of a romantic night
My howls are the call
I want a domesticated wolf

At last I found an infallible remedy to erase all the guilt
I won't stay by your side watching TV and listening to apologies
Life has given me a ravenous hunger and you just giving me candy
Im off with my legs and my youth, while the jealousy kills you


There's a she wolf in the closet
and she wants to get out
Let her eat the Neighborhood
Before you go to sleep

... I got a special radar on me to catch single guys
and If I get into any trouble i also got the firefighters' number
no pretty boys, divos or nice rich kids, I know what I want,
to have a good time being very bad in the arms of a gentleman

and this little number??

Lovage- Stroker Ace: Loves this song so damned much and Daniel Merriweather (from handsome Boy Modeling School) is a Plum Fool for having anything with this cd being called "Music To Make Love to Your old Lady to" ROTFLMAO

Hola Chiquiticos!

Mama has been busy very very busy, all over the fucking place Busy!

But she feels extra BADASS for no reason, Look I have ONE more year of Hussy shorts and extreme minis, Let me live and be great!



First order of business Married Boy and his fine suited ass came to the office... That REALLY took me by surprise cause.. I don't know I haven't had my heart fuck around on me like that in a hot minute( he came from behind me) , he smirked told me I looked great and that he had just come to drop off some shit

5 minutes later he called to chat a little told me why he had come to the office (a ticket of some sort) and then asked me if we could go to lunch next week, I don't think he'll follow up but then he tried to tell me some shit about how his wife and son are not at home this summer and he is alone so what do I do in my time off...UGH Boy stop! STTTOOPPP I command your hot ass!!!




***********************************




Second(and this is a Directive from Mami and Binks to you all) On Prayers to whatever entity you believe and good vibe-sending for this munchkin

Binks called us Friday to tell us that The Dr. was concerned cause HannahBanana has had swollen Lymph nodes since April and although she is Obviously feeling well

(those were at the Dr's Office), they did some blood work and everything was weird, so much so Mami called me flipping out and crying and carrying on.... *sigh* she didn't want me to say or to say herself her suspicion, I calmed her down but the whole rest of the day besides texting the girls, it was just a shitty day for the whole thing, I was supposed to meet with the lovely YoungBlackBeauty (in town before heading off to NY) but I really didn't feel well for it, I promised her to be at the beach Saturday.... As an update until they go to the Hospital, my sister found some literature on some frequent shit over there called Valley Fever... we are hoping HARD for this, fits a lot of the symptoms:

Valley fever is caused by fungi in the soil. The fungi that cause valley fever can be stirred into the air by anything that disrupts the soil, such as farming, construction and wind. The fungi can then be breathed into the lungs. Valley fever is a form of coccidioidomycosis (kok-sid-e-oi-doh-mi-KOH-sis), or cocci (KOK-si) infection. It can cause fever, chest pain and coughing, among other signs and symptoms.

More than half of those who inhale the valley fever fungi have few, if any, problems. But some, especially pregnant women, people with weakened immune systems, and those of Asian, Hispanic and African descent, may develop a more serious and sometimes fatal form of coccidioidomycosis infection.

If you don't become ill from valley fever, you may only learn that you've been infected when you later have a positive skin or blood test. Small areas of residual infection (nodules) in the lungs that show up on a routine chest X-ray may also be found. Although the nodules typically don't cause problems, they can look like cancer on X-ray, leading to biopsies.

So that's what we're waiting for, extra testing crap








Also that Friday I had me a I.m convo with Mr. Shortie: As follows


q: Serious for a moment now, I meant to ask you about this roommate thing cause to be honest is just... different lets say, but don't worry is nothing serious is just me having questions and generally the whole thing just .. I don't know

Shortie: k

q: is like this (lets see if I explain myself correctly): I need my confusion clarified cause while I do enjoy your company and out talking...I don't think she was trying to be particularly nice whether there is a reason for that it'd be wise for me to know it, meaning, she seems to be your type and has been living with you for a while, if the territorial crap is based on something unresolved or in the past is not wise for me to be in the middle of that

q: I gave some details of the situation to some other people to see if they (without too much background or anything) got the same sense I felt which is : Did you guys or do you guys have some sort of ambiguous thing going on? I mean Is just not common for someone to just pop up with that age difference opposite sex and actually sorta someone you would be into and it not be related to something, you know whether initially was romantic or whatever... not to say is wrong but I don't know many guys that would choose to live under that set of circumstances cause is kind of a clusterfuck nor do I know many girl roommates that just give chill and that rude off putting thing unless they have vested interest

q:wouldn't surprise me if that is the case, and that IS your home so is not like I'm trying to tell you how to do things, etc just generally giving you my observations cause I told you I'm always very upfront and honest, so In the spirit of honesty, just letting you know that if that's the case

A) I should know it

B) you and her should work that out

C) I wouldn't want to even be close to that

D) If you want to hang out etc we can... just probably not a sleepover at your place cause the whole she commenting on how much sex we have is not comfy to me, nor is any of her God damned business

q: BUT if i'm wrong, smack me in the face, clarify and disregard but I'm just going by my own experience with guy friends which I would never overstep A great deal of boundaries

Shortie:i know exactly what you're saying, She was rude, I Know It looks bad and is not a normal thing i was talking to her mother and she told me that it would be nice if i gave her a one month notice and i told her that she cannot get "technical" with me because she hasn't pay me rent for some months, i told her to leave many times but she won't, i think it is probably my fault, is, like, I don't know what to do..i would have liked to be friends with her but i want her to leave too

q: and yeah at this point you do not owe them courtesies regards to that

Shortie:this is not the first time (thought it has been her best behavior)

q:you need to know that as a homeowner you do have rights and you CAN evict a person that doesn't pay and quite frankly that's not something I would do to a friend

Shortie: she never signed a lease, i don't want to go to that extreme though it is very embarrassing and my neighbors are so nosy

q: tell me something, honestly now: did you allow her to live with you initially with other plans in mind? cause is either that or then it just sounds like a woman taking advantage where she can

Shortie: girl! No! i told you, but i'm also too old not to fess up to something like that, is never been like that with us, yes I recognize to me she could theoretically be attractive but her nasty habits, her mouth, her rudeness sort of make it not go

q:Be real Now, seriously

Shortie: when i first bought my house i didn't have enough money to pay for it, my ex and i were supposed to pay for the house, but we broke up so i was forced to get roommates

q: anyways you don't have to be embarrassed that is your home and you can ask whomever to leave look up eviction procedures


Shortie: I've had many roommates...and believe it or not she has been the best one

q: i know, i know you said that, what? the others Attempted Murder on you??

Shortie: the point is that i don't need any more roommates

q: a roommate that has been around for two years and is a female and what not is a whole different ballgame and that's the reason for my asking

Shortie: there were 3 people living in my house months ago and she is the last one remaining she has been evicted before for not paying...i think she is waiting for something like that

q: great Stuff Seriously..Well Give a Bitch a Wish!!get better roommates

Shortie: what's great?

q: ....or animals they always reciprocate the love

Shortie: great drama?.. I don't want or need anymore roommates but I never told anyone to leave, specially so many times

q: Ugh That sucks so much....I'm serious you should tell her to leave or that you will officially evict her which sadly shows up on her record and might hinder her from getting a better place, even as a bluff, you know? cause that whole thing is very disrespectful to me, you are too nice to have that type of crap

q: so next time surround yourself only with Nice People Mr!

Shortie: how am I supposed to know that? all people that I've meet there have not been particularly friendly o open, or .. you know, nice? what i though...I Guess that's why i don't have that many friends

q:you learn by letting people in little by little, and then you see if they are worth your opening up more

q:cause you are a generous nice person....but yeah people here are very weird and iffy I however feel better having lots and lots of acquaintances and few close friends that last me through big life moves and stuff.... is better to be gregarious, have fun, know your limits when dealing with people than to go hard all at once cause some people will simply take advantage


and this would be my Manita's response:

" Did you tell him that I was all Team Shortie until such time that I learned of a lippy chippy being harbored in his home?"

"I can't even begin to stop fucking laughing about this, how am I even going to type it?"

"cut and paste, hoe."

"I think we should cut ties... or I Might need to if I get demoted to office cleaner after cackling all loud"

"Oh, that's rich... you're going to cut ties with me, but the hussy habor-er get cage match sex. Boo on QQ!!!"

I Cannot!







Bueno Saturday I woke up late, went to the gym and while there YoungBlackBeauty, hit me up to go to the beach, I went ahead, bought some stuff I needed for the house, set Spicky up and high tailed to the beach

OMG SHE IS SOOO NICE , And Cute And sassy... and that Hair?? Di-Vi-Ne Bitches!! To die for!!

I died, we were in some sort of Wet Willies type of joint, she Starts vogueing with Stank face, Fake reading a Book, I Was so thoroughly done and did, her friends were TOO adorable, and cunty even, they were marveling that we big hugged each other and off we went to the water like we were friends forevermore, and truly we were!!

The More I really sit here and think about it, I'm really really really blessed with the e-mail Blog ladies, cause they have become for the most part GREAT source of love, fierce support and fuckery, all of you guyses I meet I can't help but feel like: Fuck who are the dumbasses that wouldn't snap up these pretty hot tittyful smart precious full of light and GOODNESS and love and heads on their shoulders, sexy swinging singles/or married hussies (Unicorn Princess Gem I'm side eyeing you!) , seriously you know I would tell you if they were some stupidness or not say something nice, but peeps like my Manita (Who I talk to almost daily somehow and who deserves the world) or Karrie B (That fucking kid is the Cat's Meow and the Bee's Knees, the heart of gold!, so extra!), my Monster (Who I just Ugh! i love that bitch something silly!) The triplets (They are Twins and I've comfortably inserted myself in), Buttercup (I Laugh with her but she is so sweet classy and poised!), Leogoddess (that's another hot mess level and par with me) , Diya, Monique, Jaded, Ms G( My delectable chocolate deliciousness in South Africa).. Is like I love and need you all and Must wish daily happy wishes for you all! Ack! Mush ATTACK!


Anywhoosie





At night YoungBB and her crew convinced me of going to the Hard Rock Casino so imagine a Hoe walking up by herself with Leopard and a Purple clutch?? Yep that was me!

Oh No Wait don't imagine, here, A shitty pic ( Young BB's Friends took some, when I get em i'll post them!)Bite me I have 4 dresses I'd go to the club with and that should tell you how often it happens!

But I go and these things happened:

A Lesbian called me a Boss Bitch

I Didn't lose my voice

I Didn't hurt any Douche

I danced a Little bit (YOU COULDN'T COMPETE or Step To YoungBlackBeauty, KNOW THAT!)

A dude chased me on a car full of Dominicoons

A Man Meowed Then said: Don't even worry girl, Laugh at my dumb ass

A million Hushed "Baby"

Someone pulled a dude off of me as I was leaving he was all extra ready to take my wrist and force me to dance just cause i stood a minute outside of a place playing some Omega!

I told Mia dudes were horn Honking so i must be a big hit in the South

And That DUMBCUNT CALLED AT 1 Am??


*record Scratch* Nigga what??

Yup



As I'm driving into the place I see his face in My caller I.d I go: Shortie?

"No is not Shortie is Kad, his roommate, Is he ok?"


"And I would know that because...?"


"well he is not here, so.. i thought he'd be with you?" <<<<---- And that, Older Non dumb friends, was the Purpose of the call, we know this, right??


Well, he isn't here *click*



I Immediately got on the phone to tell Mia how LIVID I was, and how Shortie was having it come to him tomorrow, the earlier the better

And If you don't think I went home at 3 am and sent him an instant message (Cause you already know I suspect he wouldn't get my call anyways) telling to call First thing in the AM you don't know Q

So in the morning he wakes me up, asks about my night, and my weekedn told me two cute things: I went to the beach looking for you yesterday, the day screamed of you (shoulda called me)

My bed still smells like you and I don't want to wash my sheets yet (Invite DumbCunt over to smell the Skittles!)

I told him after a few pleasantries: Look dude... really we might not be able to continue enjoying each other... that bitch called me at 1 am last night with some RIDICULOUS backstory

"I'm so sorry Q I Told you I would correct the problem, i told her she has 30 days to get out and she has packed things, you gotta let me try this, i am so embarrassed, she said she called cause she saw a call from you late so she thought it was me"

Did you see the call in the I.D?

"No"

Did you see my CALLS Sunday when i called cause you told me to?

"No"



Does your Phone Routinely says: Fuck Broward?



"NO"



Ok dude That Parasite Deletes your calls too, awesome does she holler to your voicemail as well?



"No she doesn't have the codes"



Good for you, I won't be calling you anymore or driving to see you so long as she stays there and that's non negotiable, I have no bail money and I'll call her every fucking name in this world, let her throw the first punch cry like a baby and call the police and that's a promise, plus you KNOW I bruise easy


"Q Are you cutting me off?"


Almost, better and worst dudes than you have come and gone, i 've yet to deal with bullshit willingly and is a great self preservation tool, take it or leave it, the point is I'm to old to pay you a courtesy warning and you are too old to have some bitch not married or related to you "check up on you" Dude If you do not think for a second she knows what she is doing and what the intention of the call was, which was to "make me think whatever" you are fucking dense, tell you what? i don't give a fuck what an adult male not related to me or permanently in my life does when he is NOT with me, I could care less cause no one keeps tabs on My ass, so I'm not about to do that


"Q... I want you to care, I don't want you to think anything bad if you want we can 3 way with my coworker right now"


We are not in highschool, friend, I really don't care until I have to and that's factual


"I came home at 2 and she told me she called you, but now I'm beginning to see that she told me cause she heard the angry in your voice so she knew I would be told"


right on


After that I gave him more servings of Minty Bitch Q and then I asked him how many females related or not told him the same about this chippy, he admitted a few, I asked her how nasty was she with his boys..... Not at all??, I explained; Well of course, for one our "dicks" don't get swayed by a bitch with a big ass and titties, for seconds we women smell and track that shit, a Million Flies can't be wrong about the smell of shit

I further added even his momma would get face and treatment from this bitch cause any female interloper truly caring of him and interested or in love or his woman or his blood would sniff that shit out and gig would be up so it'd be best for her to do her best and put us all off

But This I promise you If God, Buddha or the Devil himself didn't bring me into his life to rock his cock, open his eyes and make that opportunistic Leach's life one of sordid misery and personal responsibility along with a new home (for her) I STOP BEING Q!!

You think not???, come on now is me, Grudge Holder Extraordinaire!, no seriously in a personal level I like him, he is a good dude, naive but good, funny, I wish him the best cause he is nice, he seems alone and not willingly so, is it with me?, probably not, we know me, but we can still ride this a bit and this chick is a hindrance in his life and I'ma make him be his own life change!, I'll be his free of charge (ok Ok Orgasms aren't free) life coach! LOL






Regina Spektor Laughing with; My Bebeh! has a new cd and So does Freaking Mars Mothafucking Volta I been doing nothing but em' today.. this song is simple but perfect, true to crazy lyrics

True Fucking Story: Not for the Faint of Heart

My day needs levity so I might as well Tell you what happened last night (Today I crapped out a court date, my boss ripped me a new one, then loved me again by 10 Am but promised to give my number to the Hobo Mewing man as my punishment, also I walked 3 times to the courthouse)

So then my safeguard is to cackle and giggle about last night:

Why You ask? G.I Joe... God bless that boy... that said After last night I don't know HOW I'll get rid of him, so look out for a cycle of crazy coming up soon

So it starts like so:

G.I Joe: Hey How are you

(I pause, there since i KNOW how this could end)

Q: Hey you what?

G. I Joe: Nothing babe, how are you?

Q: Good you?

G: Horny

Q:It figures, lol, how is that new?

G: LOL you are so cold to me, I want you, you know?

Q: Ice cold, and yet who texts who?, what do you need?

G: You

Q: Do we have condoms? and are we well awake enough for company?

(after all he wakes up at 4-5 am and I go to bed an hour before that)

G: I do, but I'm sooo tired, I'm afraid of not making it

(word?? Um NO you don't Pique my interest then bail out, friend)

Q: Oh that's ok stud, night night, porn will put me to bed faster no? I do regret you won't get one of those BJs

G: Ok, so I really want you NOW

Q: Oh Go to bed silly goose, you are a mess

G: I'm always a Mess sugar pie

Q: I've noticed

(Now I'm showering and whatnot, I see how this will go downhill fast)

G: lets get real kiny and nasty , yes?

Q: Like?

G: Whatever you want to do, have done or do to me

Q: Oh Really?

G: Yes i'm open to whatever , let's not hold anything back you know I'm openminded!

Q: Ha! you know I need NOT hear that stuff buddy!, you'd be in trouble, very much trouble

G: I'm game girlie!

Q: Well Night night call me after the gym I'm going to bed now (Bwahhahaha)

G: BUT I WANT YOU NOW! I want you to sit on my face and grind that Pussy in

Q: I thought you were sleepy, sweets? is that a suggestion or what the fuck are you talking to me for?

G: but I want you now, and then..what if I come and fall asleep right away?

Q: Asshole, who cares? leave that door open, and let's put you to sleep

ANNNNDD Because I wasn't going to let my purse hold me back from being Great I actually just took my wallet and lubeandavibeandavibratingbuttplug

Bwhahaha... in a MAKEUP BAG NO LESS!!! (I am soooo fucking wrong) so to continue my streak of ain't shitness I showed up with a very small dress no undies and started messing with him OUT OF HIS SLEEP! Heh! I know who to wake people up!

So he is talking ample shit moaning groaning and generally doing bad things , like starting to try some Irumatio (Nigga you think I'd be fazed??) when I simply decided to go hard, and like I pretty much screwed Weezy's mind I proceedied to grab a condom, put in on the anal vibe, lube this fool up and introduce it without his permission all while doing his cockage

Bwahhahaha

Not only did he scream like a Bitch, but his feetsies curled, he loved it and then after 4 mins told me, Nay, BEGGED me to stop or he wouldn't last me a second longer... see? Is all in the multitasking; grab a dude's jewels or play with the prostate via the butt and that's all she wrote, because i'm mean I simply cackled and kept going until I was physically removed and restrained, he also demanded to know why It felt so good, I explained that is male anatomics at work for him right there

Not to be outdone that child put me in every wrong pose in the book including some twisted Scissor Sister type of mess and yet forcing me to be quietly in place so he wouldn't just come all swift-like after that he went for my butt but because he is, um, HUGE as you well know I basically told him to take his time with it... but when I came I certainly saw Stars and Stripes however this boy had me cracking The Fuck UP!

Why?: First of all he wanted to make some extravagant "coming" type of mess I told him: If you Do not, TENDERLY wipe yourself off of me NOT ONLY I'ma punch you BUT also I WILL spread some Santorum (look it up) and make sure to squirt on your bedding before the end of my stay

I'm An asshole, But I shouldn't have worried either cause he did that then walked me to the showers and left me some water out then scratched my back (see none of this happens with Weezie but things have a different level of satisfaction, just like finding the beauty on differentr dudes an optimal experience wit A will not encompass the same shit as with B or C) while telling me about his day and how he sincerely had on his agenda jerking off but he had to do this and that and whatnot like, that shit was on his to do list and he then tells me of everything that got in the way (I die!! LOL) we also talked about Masturbation styles and all of that, I said I LIKE porn for it but i don't NEED it, since I have enough adventures to keep me going, he said that for him his Wrists be getting tired after a while so Porn is a Must !! ROTFLMAO

I know I am SOOOOOOO wrong for that whole episode ! LOLOLOL

Oh and get this so Shortie is I.ming me about how he's been tired and a certain DumbCunt was helpfully suggesting that it must be all the sex he was getting (so what Bitch Does it Burn you some??)







And this is PERFECT for my little bad ass tale

Bitter:Sweet - Dirty Laundry (Skeewiff Remix): I've loved this group for a sec but this song sort of goes perfect with the remix done by Skeewiff... supersexy

Also this should make me happy
Sunny- Boogie Pimps: Love this Cover of "Sunny" one of my fave songs EVVVVVAAAAHHH I prefer this one shot in Cuba to the other official vid

So That Sleepover date situation (Le Fail) & More NeighborHate

But first let's overshare a Makeup look, two different lighting situations


WOOT! I went heavy on the glow, Bite. Me! no but seriously I was telling Manita yesterday that I just am too chickenshit to come to work without makeup, cause I'm extremely self conscious of my skin, from the time I was 9 til I went on the pill I practically had cystic acne which Mami had them treat with straight 1st generation retinoids, which then BURNED my face as they were for Boy-harder-to-treat-acne (no those weren't Original laugh lines they've been there for a LOOOONNNNGGG time) which has been not only painful but a confidence zapper, now I worry about the occasional stress related thing or some post breakout hyper pigmentation, which is not terrible cause I obsess about skincare and coverage on almost paranoid levels, unnecessarily might I add! (I Know, I know) to the point that, for example, today? My skin feels burned, I get overzealous with masks and such during the summer, which DOES NOT help, Trust me!!!! Your skin will go into overdrive making greasy ass oil! Don't Do It! so I'm working it but camouflaging too

and I'm wearing this and white slingbacks today
Of course boss had to crack some stupid boy fishing related joke, he's been So. Extra all up into my business but he says he lives vicariously through my hotmess, but yeah, spare me the side eye My boobs are out and I swear that's a panel on the shirt and NOT my GUT (which I do have one, whycome I got lean limbs which in turns fucks hard with my proportion if I gain weight?)

************************************************************************************
My Neighbors, Making my ass itch and my eyes cross since 2007? 2006?

Anywhoo the following things have happened this past week:

a) My neighbor across the hall, the P.R with the girl that had me swap fridges with her, stopped me Sunday to wish me a Happy Birthday... I am still having headaches trying to figure out how did SHE KNOW THIS?

b) Yesterday she stopped me to tell me she was leaving, owes a shitload of money and is NOT going to pay it, instead she is just going somewhere (nice woman)

c) the gross ass litterbug with the two million kids under age 5 left, as did the whore that had people park in my spot, is almost awesome until you think, who could the new assholes in place be?...at this point the dude in the floor under me is my only relative nuisance like when he comes home late and drunk and she bitches him OUT, or when they smoke weed and it drifts to MY fucking place... Please Jesus don't let them get a drug dealer of a couple that fights on my floor... I'm BEGGING here I've had both and it was just the most miserable thing in life... can I have NICE old people?? a recluse??? Some dude NOT single??? a Blind Person???

d) I don't mind walking spike at night or bumping into that fucking nassy ass brolic overentitled raccoon, I do mind walking my dog to get some dark car in the night start on some: HEY, Hey AYE AYE Boo, Aye Girl you can't talk to me? I stopped my car for you (Golf Fucking Clap you Ignorant sonofabitch) ... how are you going to INSULT me that way, by even showing interest?? BOO!

e) This*side eye*


**********************************************************************************



Oh this just now gave me a fucking Headache: Not only some short tool asked me if he could give me a FOOT MASSAGE (Um YEAH but real talk, should that be your introduction you fucking tool?)

and this!

From: giovanloveu (View Profile) (View All Correspondence) Subject: Hello beautiful Queen Sent Date: 7/14/2009 3:01:24 AM
How are you my dear beautiful? I hope you had a great 4th July, my name is Giovanni and my intention is to capture your attention to myself, I like what I see on the outside but it was best for me to take my note to another level to let you know how I felt mentally as I visually see your picture. I hope I didn't make you mad in the process, I write longer note than you would expected, because to make someone mad is not my mission when I wrote the note but to please the mind with the greatest thing that ever exist, Love. The note sole purpose is to get your attention as a unique person because you cannot be duplicated. I can't touch you physically because you're not here right now but I am caressing your soul and your mind at the moment, as you reading this your eyes wanted to close just so you could imagine yourself in another world. A place where feelings can be seeing and love can be touch. If I could dig deep into your hypnotic eyes I can see my mind and your mind creating a bond but it's up to you to reach out and exploit the possibility. You are a beauty and I got my eyes stuck on you, so let you inner beauty show itself as I will embrace it as mine, don't be a stranger 754-422-694X. Love Giovanni
Block User | Users I blocked

Why can't there be a nice middle ground, you know, where people don't look like obsessed corny thirsts that listen to "Mind Sex" and lick their lips a they type (or copy and paste) or horny dbags, don't get me wrong, be either one you want but give me a minute to ascertain that shit, don't be SO OVER THE FUCKING TOP that you make me hit the "block" button for my own safety! (and BTW this is NOT his first message)




********************************************************************************



*Enter Spain 2: Is is packed up ready to come already promised me a call when he landed , Ok Boy stop!

*Also why is this dude on some thirst all the way from ATL? *side eye* talking about I'm going to be there next week, if I give you my info, would you contact me?: Um to be perfectly candid, no, what do you want with a woman in SoFl when YOU live in ATL??


*The Date with Shortie: UGH!

Well not really but yeah, for one I APPRECIATE DEEPLY that he drives to see me, cause I did it and that shit was almost in the butt end of life almost close to entering the Keys and shit

So that

Then, also His Fucking place was BEAUTIFUL, nice, four bedroom IMPECCABLE house, as in: I don't know why was he talking all types of shit about his place when it really really was nice the carpets the suede sectional the shiny black leather couches, I mean GEEZ!, he kept saying my place was so nice and cozy when in reality the only thing about his place is that is spare on decorations

So , he drove me around, took me to the mall let me loose in Bath and Body Works touched me a little but not in ANY way that was uncomfortable or extra, we sat down to try and figure out where would we watch the UFC fight that he wanted me to watch with him, truth be told first time I've sat to watch in detail, I enjoyed it, including the fact that that's the most Homoerotic shit in life!

as a nightcap we had sex like a GAZILLION times as big as I remember him, ate the pussy proper, not well am I done scolding him about my previous bite marks/bruises that I have a shitload of new ones today, it was all pretty delicious, cause he also has mirror doors in his closet (OHHH Yeah, he asked if I liked that.. I did) .... I went to sleep cause it was like 4 am and I woke up at 8 am to more sex, we ate brownies for breakfast and watched a movie cuddled up (Perfume: The Story of a Murderer... Magnificent!) he was smelling my wet hair telling me it was fantastic , showed me all of the house before I left and while we were on the couch he asked If I wanted to maybe get a gym pass to his extra fancy gym? if I wanted to bring spike over so I didn't have to rush home next time and would I like for him to take time off, he started this funny shit where I was nibbling on his ear saying "and?" and he'd just keep coming up with bullshit, for the record I was straddling him, whilst he sorta rubbed my body, so:

I am going to take time off then I'll spend some days with you

And?

I am going to drive you to work

LOL And?

I'm going to ... um go do your job, and um give you a footrub

and?

Then I bring you home and walk your Perrito

and?

Rub your hair

and?

I make you a niccceee steak

Ewww LOL

then you can do that stuff you do and we can go out or stay in playing xbox or watching boxing and mma


Before dinner however came the first pre Fail: so he tells me about this roomate that he is told has to leave soon possibly this weekend

So how long she's lived here?

Two years (WHATTTT???)

let's break it down cause I barely have the patience: 25, 5'2 Jamaican (to say, his type), apparently has skipped out on rent the past few cause there are hard times, at some point in time he used to give her rides to school, not anymore, she is lippy and gives attitude when he brings people he dates (if not outright make a scene) and wants to bring dudes to say, say in the same capacity as his gfs have in the past, only he reminds her he is the HOUSE OWNER not just her friend and she huffs at that (apparently he's had issues before about woman having their men essentially squat) and lately she talks to him any old way, so he was rehashing this with his family in Spain and they were basically agreeing with him that this bitch has to go, the kicker?? She takes his food and denies it and also tends to sequester the house phone to her room!!

He then says I shouldn't have told you this now you are going to think I like drama but I don't I jsut want to be open with you (mind you I'm covering my face and shaking my head as he further tells me)

His thing is that now he feels badly about kicking her out so soon and all the uncomfortableness as well as the fact that he loathes being alone and that's why when he has not even needed it he's rented rooms in his home before

Let's point everything wrong I'll start with what I DID point out to him cause I do NOT play this, then give you the other imponderables which me and the girls had stank face about:

Why is she not paying? (No SRLY WHY???, she ain't no teen just an irresponsible adult)

Why do you have to be uncomfortable? Is YOUR HOUSE?! (WTF YOU ARE the Homeowner she can be mad about it all she wants?)

Why have you allowed this? for this length of time no less! (cause he either fucked her or wanted to and now is like she's got him by the balls???)

I also unequivocally told him: Why are you letting some young chippy take advantage of you?, Yes You know I did!

So in the morning after I shower I see her but only from the back but since she wanted to act like she was ignoring me so did I, game on bitch! (bears saying when we came home at night she heard us, she was up and never came out of her cloister and when we started watching the movie then paused it and took it to the bedroom we could hear her out and about and on the phone)

So I go downstairs he puts water and stuff out for me and says hey, DumbCunt (yup I'm calling her that, it was either that or Greasy Heffa) this is Q who I've told you so much about

She is eating in the counter some stank food, barely turns around and says a LIMP "hi" All while commencing to swig juice out of the container!!

Ever the sarcastic asshole I go: "Oh sure nice to meet you too"

We sit there watching the movie and you want to know that even though there was this HUGE long couch the stupid bitch stood behind the counter the WHOLE movie occasionally addressing the dude who was basically rubbing my feet?

UGH Bitch UGHH! I texted Mia and Karrie be who were aghast but telling me to remain calm, Karrie more so(Mia also throws out:WHY is he having this young a chippy in his house at his age?)

SO then after the movie she imperceptibly leaves and he continues to tell me how he'd love for me to stay longer and this and that and complimenting my skin and all of that when I tell him:

Nice Kid huh?

Oh (he sounded deflated dissapointed, like Oh here we go again)

Yeeeeaahh wtf is wrong with her??, No let me illustrate to you what is wrong: No female person you bring here will ever be treated nicely by that hoodrat cause that only means one thing: She doesn't get to run this home anymore, and have someone essentially at her beck and call for what reason, I still don't know but whatever man

Yeah I'm going to have to have another talk with her about when is she moving

Whatever dude is your home but I'll say this Is FUCKING WEIRD and it stinks .....what I haven't said is that next time we talk I'm simply going to tell him, is your business and all but I'm not chilling at your house or spending the weekend with that harpy there, if you wanna fuck people on your own time is fine, if you want to come hang here then you may but this over entitled bitch that you have squatting at home and I, are NOT chillin, I'm too fucking old and grown for that;cause, get this too!.... so I call him at his behest later (when I made it home) and why was his phone, like, not taking the message? almost like cutting off?? (please don't think I didn't i.md him about that )

Karrie says to try and calmly see what happens before extracting myself cause she KNOWS me, she knows that not even a GIRLFRIEND can come at me with some bullshit drama filled ghetto stupid, meth induced Baby daddy drama drunk fucking dudes high trendylesbian assy situation every day cause I will cut someone off and NEVER AGAIN talk to them without any problems, shit! even Mami has gotten put on ice for MONTHS for being extra lippy and nosy, so is NOTHING for me to do that, no matter how many outings, mansion parties, good cock you have coming out of your ears, i just don't do drama in any form or shape!.. Is Not that I'm so good or perfect is that I like my shit smooth and calm, i don't do hollering I don't do crazy bitches, I don't do obsessive men, or thugs for the same reasons, I JUST HATE THAT SHIT

However, Yes I did ride him stupid before I left, his words were: You are going to kill me this way, you know?

Your thoughts on the matter?? (before the poor dude gets given the cold shoulder of a lifetime by Friday!): Trifling? Overreaction on my part? do we have a candle holding Doormat? Past lovers? am I with my non committal ass in any position to say anything?? (in reality all I'm saying is her and I won't be hanging out in the same space)




*****************************************************************************
Today, I give you PuertoRicoons... I Swear I was gonna do better then My Running playlist came in Blaze of Glory and I bumped and ground in my car all the way to the office and even as I settled, Ignorant but delicious and ready for ass shaking


Zion y Lennox- Don't Stop: *sigh* need I say anything??? Need I? this is so extra Low Rent ...and awesome (I, by the way, I'm Lennox Of course, everyone knows I speak a mile per second so I can do alladatshit


Los Benjamin- Royal Rumble (Se Van): everyone and their momma came out for this hot shit(Wise Da' Gansta, Daddy Yankee, Wisin & Yandel, Hector "El Father", Don Omar, Zion, Arcangel, Franco "El Gorila", Alexis... Personally NO ONE approved of Don Omar in that situation), if you don't think I picked the most ignorant one here to mimic you would be out of bounds... However Daddy Yankee and Hector Talk IMMENSE amounts of greasy shit


Arcangel y de la Ghetto- Ella quiere: Would you please observe these tools?? I won't ever admit this shit under torture but I be going nuts on this one *hangs head in Low shame*


RANDY feat. Arcangel-Soy una Gargola: *rubs bridge of the nose in a silent prayer*... These coons do a FORMATION DANCE wearing preppy clothes minute 1:01.... whycome I can't quit them STAT?!?

I have Minibig, DEAL WITH IT, and other stories

I Know ya'll envious but that little Pixie with her sexy new do and ample cuntness rest comfortably in the cupborad of my heart, can you believe the cuntiness of this belated Birthday Present?? I can't I was like an Upside down roach calling her hollering, a delectable pink lipglass, a tasty shade of cunt nail polish and shimmering power, as well as the Makeup bag that I did not have, I loove her so much (her and the rest of you ladies) for going so out of her (your) way to wish me and make my birthday a happy one!!

Of COURSE I did thangs right away ( The Nail color is Steamy, the Lipglass in Morning Glory and the Glow is Golden Bronze... Is so big that it'll last me til the Rapture)


Now then the matters of cock

G.I Joe: That boy is probably biting his knuckles not to do his usual bullshit But the day after our fabulous romp at 5pm on the dot he TEXTED (Thank You Jesus) about how good it and we need to do it all over soon again

Umm hmmm

Weezy: Texted Thursday I played it off like I was superbusy (tired) tried again Last night, I ignored him, he won't try tonight cause he has one of those fetish parties again I think (as per the updates now delieved to my inbox) and is not like I care, I'm having a sleepover with Shortie... at his place

Now THAT is a doozy (how the FUCK am I going to sleep, friends?)Most importantly Thursday he told me that he has a Roommate... a FEMALE Roomate, a 5'2 Female Roomate (Oh Fucking Great!!! Giganta over here is encroaching on another bitch's territory, awesome) BOOOO!!!

He swears that he would have told me sooner but it never came up and he is not concerned cause:

A) she is a friend

B) nothing has or would happen

C) Is very temporary (He offered her a place to stay cause she didn't have a place to go and cause he HATES being alone)

D) I will meet her

E) he STAYS talking about me, according to him

F) Is not like she even spends her time there at all, in fact she said she'd be out all weekend


Whatever That is about a 10 point deduction, your thoughts on that??, I asked why didn't he say this before he said at first it didn't come up, afterward he didn't want me to take it the wrong way and run for the hills, or make it drama when there isn't a reason for that. I also asked him if HE was sure that SHE didn't have feelings for him cause

We bitches are REAL oblique with our feelings sometimes and also

If I'm just a prop to be put in between that so to speak to say: "Oh Look, i'm not into you cause of her" I'm NOT kosher with that bullshit either, you know, men being too chickenshit and all but he swear to me in not that sort of thing and we'll go do stuff later today, he'll show me around, then we'll have dinner and watch the MMA fight and can I spend the night

We'll see however he is on some sweet but not extra shit (for example: I Like to be left alone to my own shenanigans all week, he only starts contacting me and talking any further thana quick hi on the Messenger on Thursday, that's not bad at all!)

Sampler convos on the messenger two nights ago:

Wow Amazon, so you know you were born when I was 11? (I'm aware, vaguely)

I Will treat you lilke a little flower, I promise, ok? (Go On)

Although you are BEAUTIFUL and Sexy as hell Is not that, is your energy and just this general bubble you walk in, you attract people but then they'd be too scared to approach you, I figure, let me see if I don't get shut the fuck down! (Lol)

One thing that left me sorta worried, well not worried, but ya'll know me... WORRIED was that he is always telling me about these crazy swanky affairs they have in his job, like renting mcmansions and shit for parties, well so he goes: The next time there is one I want you to come as my date

Huh?!

Aw fuck that was a panicky moment.. .anyways let me go shower and nap for this drive to el Culo e' Mundo called Homestead!

Will report laters chicas! I just basically wanted to rub your noses on my awesome ass friends!







I Love these song and Video today

Playground love- Air: I'm a big Bigbiiiiiggg fan of Air


Soulstice- Wind (Fila Brazilia Remix) This one is in Hotel Coste, so so so sexy

Standfast- Love for life: YEEEEEEESSSS this is so very divine, yes I added SHITLOTADS of Trance, Lounge and Blues this weekend


Baden Powell - Samba Triste: Personally I love more the Stan Getz Charlie Byrd way But is such a great great sexy song

How Hard do YOU Go?

I Go HHHHHHHAAARRRDDD


That was exact transcript of my 2:32 a.m convo with My Manita Mia , she asked and I answer, we didn't even go Hi or nothing

Why you asked??

Cause she was basking on a glorious glow and I was coming back of a 2 hour session with G.I Joe

Umm Hmm Don't Judge me!, No Actually I know you don't see we both had such a case of Blue Balls? that we HAD to finish what we started and BOY did we ever

Although peeps like Adiva, Jesus Christ and Miss G Are not on board (she listed his cons as Thirst, the need of meds) My pussy and my back certainly were

Here is the thing compared to Mr Break in case of Emergency (Weezy) who Ms G Enchantingly called a Dislexic Fuck amongst some of the kinder words she's ever had for him: G. I Joe has always been nicer pound for pound (which BTW Sick body, Weezy, not so much), a cuddler, a kisser a caresser, playful after, attentive to whatever I need while at his place, a come correct shit talker but his big con would be that whole calling thing, I don't know I already warned him about that shit STERNLY

And he lives all of 6-7 minutes from home

So Last night he left the door open, told me so and asked me to come spoon up, Peeps, he learned a new trick... homey stays hard THE WHOLE TIME, this comes with age to some guys but how awesome is to have a guy in TOP physical condition witha Huge juicy hard butt (We called it a Van Damn! Butt) that just stays hard the whole way through, precious really! I asked him wtf was up with that, he said he finally got his stride

We tried every pretzelly mess position, a lot of me on top, me on top of his face, from the back, Much squiting happened he licked sucked and kissed everything proper and for a fun new spin on that ridiculous pussy patting maneuver that I hate for guys to do, how about doing it witha stiff hard cockage two secs before getting it all in! Minty God Take me now!, he gives orders and restrains me and that is uber hot, and is also not squeamish! 2 for 2 my dearests!

He threatened me with butt sex "the next time" and I warned him to take it easy on me, uh on account of that um, dick... you wanna know he tells me that he thinks is average?? Average where? Not on my Pussy nor my ass, thank you very much!, when I finally cried uncle he went for my boobs then gave me a massage and after he too collapsed next to me, covered my feet(cause they get cold) and asked me if I wanted some boxersLOL , he set his alarm for 4:44am and announced LETS CUDDLE!

Some Funny shit

Uh Oh! I have BIG time issues staying in places and dealing with all of that, you know this, I know this WE know this, so he cuddles up with me kissing and nibbling on my neck then finally settling his arm over my side then sort of in my groin and Passes the fuck out

Oh Lord! I close my eyes but im super duper tense, I get very tense when guys pass out and I'm in their place and I start itching to leave cause in essence unless I talk myself down (even if the bed is comfortable and the pillows scream STEAL ME MOMMY!, my mind is in a Million different places, I cant rest I close my eyes and then just move around or slow my breathing but Is hard for me to truly rest and fall asleep, unless i'm home (as it is I'm havig horrible problems sleeping again) so what do I do? I grab my phone from the end table and start texting my manita with this hot man wrapped around me like a boa constrictor

I am jazzed about her info and then tell her:

"Manita I wanna Leave, he Snores, I don't recall Shortie snoring and Snores make me buy em bretathing strips I cannot for the life of me sleep and i wanna go home, Fuck I Wanna Chew his arm out since is keeping my pussy trapped so I can leave!"

That asshole just laughed at me...so then I move a lot he gets on his other side, now is like I'm spponing him and I say: "Um OHHH so niceee , but I gotta get going soon"



*Big Whine* Whhhhhhyyyyyyyy???

Cause this is not my place and I work tomorrow?


*mumble mumble muble *TIGHT GRIP OF ARM*


FACK!

Then what I did was almost perfection unto itself I slowly moved and disentangled myself Carefully and rhytmically with his loud ass snores, stay without moving for a few secs then keep operating, filling my gaps with cover, so he was still warm and shit, I shuffle the wood floor and got my clothes on in this exact same fashion an I was almost home free: until my bitchass HUGE McMondo Orange purse with all type of jangly rings wouldn't stay quiet

BOO!


He sorta woke up with a start asked me not to go that he'd have me leave on enough time and I jut pecked him in the cheek and told him to go back t sleep, he thanked me extra profusely and went back to pass out, Manita laughed at that and told me that the house rule is NEVER wear loud clothes... my fucking purse is staying in my car next time!.. It was almost a perfect clean getaway, if not for the fact I had to pacify him and all of that

Then Manita and I went on forever on the phone cackling and so on, laughing about my shitty little team, how I'm Benching Weezy until I figure the deal wiith Shortie, but how G.I Joe is Mad convenient and how I WILL continue to be open to dating (Fuck whatever else you heard until I'm comfuy and that Talk doesn't happen, I'm a straight free agent Bitches!!!), talking nationalities et al. , she bosses me cause unlike me with some of the blog/internet ladies (where I can play Momma Q bffs or big sis) SHE IS my Big sister that I look up to, so now she is in the bad habit of pulling rank: About my bedtime (quite frequently, god forbid she catches me updating in twitter when I should be in Sleepyland), about Weezy talk, about how I need me some kids, whatever, it ain't popping, we also discussed some stuff going on in her life and so on and then this morning not only was I sore... I couldn't make it out of bed FOREVER

Then Miss G and her belly LIT on me for my weakness, and I was enjoying myself so much that I DEFINITELY left the house LATE

But In a Happy mood cause I am Looking FAB and Hard with my shit that everyone has given me, look

PC Glow by G.I Joe, and that glittery thang is Monster's chain and Pendant (mami Loved this Monster!), the chunky yellow one is from Binks
The hand thing is an Ochun Necklace that Joel "That Asshole with no sex drive but good game talk" Mesa gave me, the reason why I got it was cause he was ordained or whatever under Chango, and naturally Ochun being his chick too, and Me being a chocolate hunk of sex His dad had this one blessed for me , I never wear it much anymore but I cant throw it away or dispose of it shittily unless it breaks, so I often wear it this way, Earrings are from a cousin, a few years old some wood and stuff and yeah that are blue, say something.... No, instead wait for the shoes




Mia's Shoes for my Last Bday


I Love Rachael Yamagata Today

The reason Why: I think that whole cd of hers is SWEEEET!

I will scrub the floors with you ... and then have a Lunch Special

I Come to you with a Heavy Heart... well, Not really, more like a Hedonistic head on my shoulders.... Actually an Update which you KNEW was coming, and FILTHY pics for no damned reason


SO You know G. I Joe calling, from every known number??

so Last night he calls but the I get a Text and the ensuing mess happened:


G.I Joe: What's Up baby where have you been?

Me: Why are you still texting me Buddy? I thought Last we spoke you had a girl and called me from a Bathroom? and I told you I don't touch that at all

G: Um NO?? Girl what is up?, Come over I'll leave the door open! (we used to do this thing, he'd text I'd show up LATE at night when he is catnaping and BAM!) You KNOW where I live come on let's have fun Baby

Me: I Am in bed, it's 1: 35 am, and I'm quoting you on this: I'm with my girl at dinner, then I told you : Um I'm NOT touching that shit, I'm not cool with that. This is still true whether you are yummy or not

G: Come over Sexy I gotta get up early, I'll wake you up the way you like (head)

Me: You are Not reading properly? I'm en bed already , is now 1: 44 you have a gf and possibly more than enough ass to go after... go for it homey!

Calls, I don't pick up

G.I Joe: Q Is Meee do you know who you're talking to?? we met Such a long time ago, you made me wait forever before talking to me again, I told you I didn't have a gf cause it's truem, please come over, I want to make you come, I want to go down on you, come over baby!?!

Holy Guacamole

Me: Look I KNOW who I'm talking to, Biblically even, Same Cute asshole I had a 3some with and who calls me non stop during my lunch hours and horny in the early am, AKA YOU, something about wanting to cum to the sound of my voice amd let me see if I recall that Bathroom call/text went something like call me and tell me you are going to fuck a guy bigger than me?

Scorched Earth Game Proper ^^^ I didn't even feel like being in his good side for shit, truth be told

Me: And again i'm in bed, you should do the same

G. I Joe: WTF??!! Q That HAS to be my cousin calling you! he does have a girl I Promise you I don't Honey! come on over let's spoon let me give you a massage? Dude I WAS sleepy, I'm up now please call me we need top talk

Me: Dude You are such a little shitbag, you've called me from his number, before remember?? as well as your phone and blocked numbers//? repeatedly?

G.I Joe: Q I swear this is news to me, I know I sometimes bug you a bit but I would never block my number from you, shit I HAVE called you from his phone when Mine has been fucked up, I think this is why he is calling, shit I think he might have even seen a picture of you and he knows about the stuff we did, THIS IS NOT even my cousin that lives with me the one you met I swear on my mom!

Me: Ok right whatever night night

G: Look Don't ever answer the blocked number or my cousin's sweetie, only if I call you, I want to meet you like REALLY soon, I miss you like crazy Morenita

Ugh, Morenita (This is my resolve giving my twat the side eye) THEN we get these And I WARN YOU either scroll down to number two QUICKLY or be alone or without someone around
...

..........

........


.........


I WARNED YOU Bitches !! That's not even full Mast Jesus be a Mantle! (In your mind, do you see Weezy getting out the car and taking a backseat in the back end of the Van?)


SOOOO then This morning


G.I Joe: Hey sexy

Me: What?

G.I Joe: Driving around, had a talk with my cousin this morning.. he is acting flaky, what are you doing?

Me: Good for you

G.I Joe: We should meet up, to talk, you know?

Me: SO You are REALLY going to tell me that the last time we spoke you didn't call me whispering some BS from a bathroom about being on a date and some such bullshit? beggin me to send you some pictures from one of the many numbers you be calling from? talking about how yeah you have a girl but I love this little shit and what not?? wanting to see me with a big Black dude in bed and shit?... I mean one of Us has to be the crazy bitch, but fuck that's outlandish!, i mean fuck at least be honest

G. I Joe: Q Not Only is the black dude thing embarrassing but I swear on my family that this has to have been my cousin, think about it, he already had your number, is my fault I know but It wasn't me

Me: Ok sure, you are a trip

I am so stank too!

G.I. Joe: Well can we start over so that there is no confusion?

Me: Sure whatever gets your nuts hard

G. I Joe: Hi Q is K___, How are you beautiful?

Me: Lol Whatever dude, HI

G.I Joe: Can I take you out to lunch, when you have a break

Me: *tummy growling* where?

G.I Joe: Wherever is close to you? Mexican place on 3rd av?

Me: Fine

G.I Joe: See you around, let's get re acquainted 12:30 see you there!

Me: Fine

I tell this to Mia who at this juncture throws her hands up to say:


Lawd have mercy, you have totally lost it. Not in a bad way, just a
hedonistic way... you are all about the pleasure and I am all about
you....freaking Weezy is a gateway drug... cause now you have Shorty and now GI
Joe... it's a slippery facking slope, mi amiga. Enjoy the ride!!!

I don't even disagree cause it's always that way And It's always that way too when I do give up and go for the Weezielator then they all starts coming at me, and we know I basically I'm unable to say No to dick... a Personal FAIL/ VIRTUE of mine

SOOO we see each other and damn if he doesn't look delectable but the place is RIDDLED with Hot men and also Remember I'm giving him a Live side eye, he smirked and we ordered something light, he starts asking me about life and where I've been and how come I look so beautiful

At that Point I pulled out my phone records with both texts and call highlighted for his viewing pleasure, I also told him to quit acting a moron if this was him, Yes, yes I did! but I couldn't detect a trace of anything other than shock, after he asked me if I was seeing anyone and getting my Little Boy STOP the bullshit , As if I'm going to discuss that with you, then he said he missed me and showed me a picture of his new dog, which was extremely adorable, told me he wanted to move to this area (where I work) and rubbed my hand then just said cool and fresh as you please:

I've not just missed you, I Missed your Pussy

Oooo-KKKKKKK

I lost it and almost choked on my food laughing at this dumb ass, he kept asking all types of shit and swearing at me up and down about the gf thing , he goes, LOOK AT ME and besides the obvious, which BTW you looks stunning today I like your hair, why would I be pursuing you if I had a gf

"Um You could be clinically insane or just EXTREMELY Horny"

You Know I'm not, give me a chance to fulfill those needs and you will see how nice and well behaved I am, let's meet up soon and cuddle up Stinkie, I haven't been with you in such a long time

Ugh I HATE that you even think it's appropriate to call me that

We finish eating, we go outside and he berates me about cleaning my car but gives me a nice little kiss in the corner of my mouth then asks if he can get in the car so I drive him to his across the street, I open the door, and tell him to lead the way, he does and we pull in the building behind the restaurant, only for this hot butt to say:

What I really wanted was a kiss, a nice long kiss from you


And that's how we were making out in BROAD daylight... before he grabbed my neck nibbled on it and , um STARTED GOING DOWN ON ME... I don't even have tints people!... It was BROAD DAYLIGHT my knee was jerking so damned hard that I keep shutting the radio and turning it back up, HIGHlarity! Whose Life is This? MANNNNN He was all like get on top of me, I'm like Kid stop I gotta go to work.... I took all types of making out pleading to make it stop and by then he had taken the boyshorts off and was trying to get to my butt

Lord!

I got him back to his car, refreshed myself in the car (Thanks God for my Whore Bag) before walking back to the office conspicuously happy, chill and sweet to my Boss, who keeps asking if I took happy pills

So after that mess he texts:

It was so nice to see you

Same here

Look Let's see each other on a regular Basis, ok? we turn each other on and we know what we like!

Let's do provided you are not Bipolar

Silly girl, I'm not I promise you

Ok we'll see Don't ever call me during work hour, you turd( I always tell Mia though that any chance to get consistent not 20-30 mins away ass that is NOT Weezy and is miles nicer than him, I'm always inclined to take)

*an Hour Later*

And I REALLY gotta say, you were looking delicious...

Yes, yes I was


The Notwist- Pick up the phone... this whole cd is awesome

A Little bit of Birthday A Little bit of Thirst

First My chicks= The awesome, cause who else do YOU know would send you a post Birthday card Tailored to your specific Ain't Shit Needs??

My Manita, that's who! (Mia, My Boss LOVEDED this too!) and then Monsters went and got me such an incredibly cute thang!

Like I was in shock cause this is just a hard find, look it on!
I Love it Love It Love it



Ah Shortie just asked me to watch UCF with him Saturday, But actually to go to the Beach "cause he knows I love to look dark and nice" I told him that it'd be fine!

Now then There is this Unbelievably crap on Today!, I don't get misplaced persistence from dudes


Like this Dallas character all on that text email, call bullshit, matter fact let me transcribe the last few things before we move to the next Superstar: (Buttercup Mia, Karrie and a few others who email tweet and talk tome frequently know this but let's give you this for you all (Now REMEMBER: I didn't date this tool cause he was on some thirsty sorry Lets Go meet SIGHT UNSEEN! at your place you cook and we can have each other for dessert... like Fuck you Dumb ass!... subsequent to my shutting that ass down via text and him disappearing for a few days, no reply to my last text and email which were basic Fuck Nos I start with this)

3 texts from this Dallas asshole, right,

I get up from my nap pre gym to some pussy ass message


Dallas Armour: you really have me bummed

Dallas Armour: and i don't get why you are ignoring me



I wait a few mins go drink water, kiss the doggie and crack them knuckles



quisqueya: why? because I won't allow you to come to my home to be served and whatever else For A First Date??

quisqueya: And when I explain as much instead of letting it dropped you kept pushing for the exact same outcome when the answer didn't change

quisqueya: and when the answer didn't change you then actually did not reply or engage in any other way other than yesterday??

quisqueya: Well the answer still haven't changed: I'm inviting who I want in my home, i get to determine that by having a normal date short and sweet in a public place

quisqueya: at which point if I can't part company with you then I say, hey; let's go home

quisqueya: and actually just by your actions you should know that it comes across as having ONE intention only (which woulda been almost fine by me had you NOT continued to be pushy and downright gross about it)

quisqueya: and the fact that you just kept insisting in coming here smacks of cheap, or plain old in an actual relationship not to mention rushed , neither of which are elements which should exist as part of ANY type of date

quisqueya: but as I previously said since i didn't hear back from you not by way of apology or do over I assumed that we were, in fact done discussing anything, so I don't see how I'm ignoring you, either way good luck finding whatever it is you want considering your approach to the whole thing

quisqueya: P.S.: You effectively did cut yourself out of a pretty great deal, buddy



Bitch couldn't answer and I've amused myself enough to go into the gym with a pep to my walk!


Best is he started on that like an hour later trying to make it look like : Oh sweetie don't be mad I was just suggesting this blah bah blah I was like; um read your own texts and no I'm not flustered mad or bothered, not only was that not a suggestion but you were pushy and getting obnoxious about it, I simply don't think you need try or bother anymore this was a huge turn off

YOU WANT TO KNOW HE REPLIED THAT WE SHOULD TRY CAUSE THERE WAS ATTRACTION THERE

then even still later the next day this crazy sonofabitch just texted me again while I stepped out the office tombout: I can't help but want you???


and so on every other day is:

"don't be like this"

"I Like you so Much"

"*sigh*"

"Quisque can you stop this, I want to be with you"

Mc Nigga STOOOOPPP you don't KNOW me you were trying to bed me, you FAILED , move on!


FAIL SCALE?= Immeasurable!


Is awesome cause you know me, I'm not one to say no to cock so long as I find you attractive, I'm not prudish nor bashful, I don't play games so had this moron waited out and taken me out on a proper date and chilled the fuck out, there is no telling, I might have given him some cause remember, i don't even bother talking to guys that say Hey Gorgeous unless I find them attractive, I mean if O don't I'm simply going to keep it moving and not face to face or a person in my circle I simply act like a deaf mute cunty person so you KNOW he coulda have maybe gotten some

Bitch Boo Bye (is what my gay Hubby B. Scott would say)


In other thirst News: G.I Joe has been calling since 4 a.m, I only went to bed at ummm 3:25 really?? have we known anyone more persistent???

I almost want to pick up and ask him wtf is the problem, someone that got told off and who I have not bumped uglies with since December and who professed all last minutey to have a Girl (remember, him calling from the bathroom from a DATE jacking off to me demanding to be demeaned and shit??) But then I remember how he looks
and how weak a bitch I am (read Whorey Mc Whore - Hi Manita) in that I can easily be talked into some penis especially if as Mia says there will be "Fine Dining on Ms Kitty" and then I avoid picking that phone to text him WTEFFFF! dude?!??!

***** JESUS MINTY CHRIST: It's ONE A.M And he is talking about what's up baby where have you been ******

I kinda wanna be saucy About it though for shits and giggles


Let's see Music then?

Snow Patrol- Crazy in Love Cover: I just bumped into this in my Zune and thing is I LOOOVVEEE ESnow Patrol, She Who Shall Not Be Named on the other hand I'm pretty repulsed by her music antics, her saccharine vapid ass BUT That Particular song is a testament to a BANGING song/beat etc... and Still she won't not never be welcomed in my ears, but that song is so DOPE that even as a rock cover is killing me!


Snow Patrol- Chasing Cars: Love this song from them as well, actually I like them a lot got a crapload of their stuff

Kings of Leon- Be Somebody: I REALLY Love this dude's voice


Kings of Leon- Knocked Up: This one is one of my faves from them I just love strong guitars and drums, and this is such a long song(on today simple ass standards anyways) I've simply come to that conclusion (also weird voices and Big ass Codas)

FANFUCKINGTASTICAL

Is the word I'd use to describe my birthday Extra Long weekend

I'm just going to give you randoms here and there and get in depth into the main meat of the story as we go on:

That Dallas guy WON'T STOP CALLING TEXTING BEGGIN CALLING ME Quisque, begging me not to "be like this" that it was a suggestion and all this other dumb shit, that there is an attraction so we should act on it and all this bunch of horseshit... right, no

I've been drinking Whiskey and Coke since Tuesday night, with my fam, until 2 am and shit of the sort I'm a classy woman now so I've switched to Merlot, Provided by Mama (Grammy rules)

On Wednesday I took leave from my hot messes at home to go get the sex I was needing Via Weezy, the asshole actually went extra mile by having me enjoy a round one and two and they were extremely fabulous, and terrible at the same time: He will deny in a court of law that he did this but he straight whined like a bitch during 69 when I sort of messed with his butt (fair and balanced reporting, he did the same, I too whined like a weak betch the difference lies on the fact that I own up to liking butt sex ... which we went on to have), Oh and I go to see those pics from our whatever last time... ummm Fuck!

hot shit, Electric blue goes well with my Vagina!!

Anywhoosie big BIG Fatal Mistake of that blabber mouthed fool: Remember a few weeks back at the nude beach an old man invited me to the Fetish Factory bash??? and remember that I didn't go, what I didn't tell you is that that type of shit is extreme but right up my alley and guess, whose favorite asshole manned the door that day (Relief huh???)

Yep he did and he had the audacity of trying to Pseudo get me jealous with dumb talk about bitches kissing him at the door and some dude and his wife offering him money to fuck her and all of this (but remember, that butt licker has only shown good taste ONCE in his life: Me, I've seen of of the old ugly chubsters he entertains, as such is like whatever, cause what he calls hot is often way way off the mark or totally not attainable to him, like bitches in movies) mind you he thinks he is all big daddy telling me this shit when I'm thinking to myself "Um whatever don't let me show up there I'd one up you in under an hour BITCH" so he tells me how no cams or whatever are allowed, how is pretty impossible to check i.ds cause there was gas masks galore, and all this shit, he showed me the one pic he was allowed to take of a guy made up movie styles and some of the available pics of the party and well my friends....Mind you the whole time my eyes are dancing with extra interest and I tell him Over and over

That Shit Is Awesome as Fuck and sooo go hard or go fucking home

Yes at first I was pitching a fit cause this is how that cocksucker is always: inappropriate... always saying some shit don't nobody asked for, like, I play nice, I tell him what he wants to hear, I never tell him or rub his nose not on some hot make believe he saw at so and so's but the actual hot sex i get before and after we hang, i don't tell him cause his bullshit ass pride gets hurt and it's bad for business, so why does he gotta act a crass bitch and get on my bad side? I told my manita that he is lucky I don't have extra money laying around and am 10-20 pounds lighter cause I'd be THERE next time, No what Really got my wheels rearing to go, talking to a friend about going and picking out what I want to buy were the tales of debauchery (um people licking feet and eating ass in plain view? Using hitachi magic wands and carrying dildoes in their purses? People with their teeth filed to points and folks submitting for punishment etc?? YEEEEEAAAAAAHH BOOOYYY) and the EXTREMELY cool clothes and scene, and the Music

So I'ma use this as inspiration, let me make this all even out and be extra sexy and I'll be THERE come October 31st for their next huge bash... Please don't think I won't!.... All things being equal? YEP! and this is is what I want... don't tell me I don't need this
my Top choice

But you see why I'd need to get my ass in HIGH Gear??
YEEAHH Gym gym Gym

Anywhoo So I was all excited about that cause it really just kept on going on my mind, even after Weezy's peacemaking "O Bye second round" with his hot ass pulling my clothes off when i was leaving, tombout when I get back we'll have se twice a week (WTF am I supposed to do with that?) wrong level factor: High, for he spoke to his momma while I talked to his cack!, even told her I love you all breathless and such, after reciting all the food he bought her

Shameless!

The next day was weird since I relaxed watched unemployment tv and decided to solve the problem of Pearl imposing on my personal B-day holiday by telling her I would go to Orlando with my folks, and fact is: I didn't even feel bad about that shit, real talk! I went to the gym and put in an hour of elliptical work and had all these awesome calories burned and shit (also managed earlier to get a refund back by marching my crazy looking ass to the offices of this joint) when my aunt calls me: since Uncle white was heading out that night at 12:30 for a shipment and he'd miss our bdays and my mom friend (the whiskey provider) was leaving as well would I come right quick for the whole family to celebrate an impromptu birthday

Homie say what??

Fine whatever I tell her that I actually need to go home and shower (I also finally did do crap on my hair it looks marvelous honey the knots are out!) she claims No this will be quick just come in... but I'm a hot sweaty hot mess

Ended up we stayed up til 2 am, drinking, talking sex (even Mami got on that mess) they actually made me a cake too all for me, I got: Dominican Hair stuff from mami, Tia Sa, from Tia Lusy I got a nice candle installation that you can screw in the wall, I got wine from mama, I also got an album of pictures that mami made for me it was kind of sad cause out of 60 pics I must have 5 pictures I've smiled (she pulled more today and is about the same) I either never smiled as a kid or smirked or scowled, I have one GREAT pic tho

Mami also went ahead and got me 3 framed pictures, my niece and nephew, and my sis and me
The absolute best part of it all was: Collecting all these blessings by the end of the night
Everyone sent/ gave me beautiful cards, even Wall Street who is NOTORIOUS for not writing a damned thang in cards wrote me beautiful things, all my Uncles did, my aunts, Mia, Jojo, Karrie and Monster told me something was in the mail for me (WEEEE) my sister... I keep those and love that even Eva and Lua wrote to me in Spanish... the sweetest shit

And at 12:00 Shortie AKA Spaniard 1 (... he is short, I been calling him Shortie, bitches named Mia frown upon this, she contends that I best not pass a nice one up on my Heightcist tendencies so she don't have to visit me in the old Tall and Foolish Folks Home..I agree which is why i'm being nice, plus, he is super likable), Calls

WOOOT?? Yes yes he called and BTW let me tell you about Shortie: we like him, Manita Mia Loves him on a technicality, Karrie says I should give him a chance cause niceness trumps height and looks ( I too agree) and so does Leogoddess, see i'm not unreasonable, I find the height thing not HAWT but his body is SICK and he is about my height/shoulders below) but the convos we have and the chill giggly stuff we get into and the laid back attitude as well as the sweet shit is just nice, you dig? he tells me that I laugh like a Princess, who says some shit like that to this mean ass cackling hen, also Believe you me, he was telling me that he couldn't remember my body even though he MET me bucket ass naked, he said it was my conversation which was distracting him from the goodies, and he's been just teasing me about how I'm the cutest Amazon ever and I might as well wear my heels and give a fuck cause he certainly doesn't... Interesting, I think he had me on Cutest Amazon LOL

So anywhoo he asked me early morning to lunch/ movie and because it was Friday, My Bday, I woke up late but my family and I had celebrated so I went ahead and accepted going to an Italian joint, cute and little by my house as well as movie, I wore flats

*** Aside: I'm EXAHUSTED ya'll since Thursday I've not slept before 4 am***

The guys in that Italian joint were giving ample side eye and shit because Shortie and I didn't use our library voices and he looked sorta little boy cute and all, mami called to interrupt asking me to go over there to get the present from her and all this other mess, and so did my aunt to be official, papi, Pabul, everyone and their mommas and all my friends from back home hit me up in twitter/facebook/phone/ skype... I felt extra happy

Shortie was sort of sad that I was to leave early but I told him we WOULD stay for movie, at this point in time he pulls out this NICE card from under the table, I was fucking stunned to be honest, in there the card said: Only the best things for your birthday, cause you deserve the best.... Inside he wrote in Spanish:

Princess; I hope all your wishes come true this year, and that i'm around to see it all : )

Oh LAWD are you peoples' panties moist and in a bunch??? We went to the movies and later on at night we spoke again he wanted me to spend a day with him doing shit, go to the beach etc, he also showed me a picture of his big ass house in the butt end of Miami, really nice ... now things are kind of going on and on in my head, which is why I finally ask: How old are you?( only cause whilst he rags on me and looks about my age if not Younger and told me initially I'm a baby compared to you joke, now I guess, he is not into the dumb shit guys my age are and although not materialistic he seems to have his shit together enough to be inviting people on rips and for a programmer he seems...together), he answers:

40

Now, it is my panties that wave you goodbye!

The most Hilarious thing was that Shortie i.ms me late at night, just talking then he jumps in : I Think I'm a millimeter taller than you so i'm calling you......








.... SHORTIE

Bwahahahahahahhaahahhahahhaha are.you.fucking.kidding.my.ass?? I HAD to call Manita and tell her this we were practically in tears

The beach DID NOT go as planned: first of all this and Labor and Memorial days are times to avoid the beach

Big Cock cute tight surfer body from last time was there I had to be sort of dumby to avoid being all invitey of him (Duh! I'm waiting for Shortie)

Ugh!

Then Some stupid little cooningish kid comes in with a gaggle of dudes and says hi, after that in turns into his 15 year old sister coming to ask me loudly if I'll talk to him that he is 20 blah blah blah ( cringe) I said: Honey, I'm 29, I'm waiting for someone and that's ridiculous

She HOLLERS back at this motherfucker in the middle of the beach (this was actually amazing cause it kept most dudes away from me , at least all of those in the vicinity) :" OOOH Martin she shut yo ass down, she says no and shit!"

WOW

Big Dong giggled and shook his head and walked away

After that some other dumb dude at the beach came with the words that would turn any single girl solo outing into utter shit: Aye Aye What cho name iz


My reply: It doesn't matter I'm not coming here for any of this (the other two guys by the water did a double take but also left me be, even though they never stopped with the looks even after Shortie came)

After that some old dude came and asked if I was alone and I said no I was waiting for someone he STILL ASKED if I mind if he sat there with me, um YEAH I'd mind, are you high or that fucking dense??? BOOOOOOO but yeah that's why I avoid the beach on holidays, for all the looky loos and the asshole types that come to the beach Ugh!

Finally Shortie showed up and he was nice enough to bring me some lemonade and shit, Mind you, we are talking and laughing and speaking Spanish when some douche with gold teeth comes over pants sagging saying "hi".. I mean seriously?? I kind of love that Shortie asked if I was ok and kept his peace after I held his hand but not without giving the guy a look that meant "we are going to have issues" I fed him some frozen lemonade chunks to calm that ass down

We stayed in the beach til 6 he was giggling like a bitch all the while telling me You are Naked and I know you now!!, we talked about neither one of us is sure that kids are a go and the why and all that other stuff, I gave him a back rub and he said: OOOhhh I'm your Esposo now, he also told me he was totally bummed when he sat next to me (the day we met) and he went for a walk but couldn't find me afterward which led him to go in the water and that started the whole thing

he then licked some sand off my stomach and confirmed I was made out of chocolate (it was a dare but it was hot) then cause we BOTH had sand we decided to jump in the water before leaving for dinner ( we decided to go to my place instead, he wanted to meet spike ad his house wasn't clean) and I start explaining to him some stuff i was told about Man-o-wars vs inoffensive Jellyfish when the words have barely left my lips and I feel the most ungodly fucking pain I've ever had in my shitty little life


A FUCKING MAN O WAR Stung me It was amazingly uncanny and horrible, this was HORRIBLE I felt the pain before I could articulate it and I tried to tell Shortie what it was, I almost cried left the water in a rush, Before I got to the shore he realized that my arm was swollen and as I threw a dress on to run for some kind fo first aid....Now it felt like a chemical burn inside out of my body, welts and all things considered, It coulda been my twat, so Praise Beige Jesus (Hollah Gem!).... I didn't know if I was allergic to this or what the deal was we run to them stupid (but fine Cuban lifeguards) and get told they are off duty but I could go get some vinegar... super helpful pieces of shit

By now I'm being a hard bitch and not crying but it really hurt so incredibly bad, and it was swollen and Shortie was holding my bags and everything trying to console me telling me I could cry and just saying how bummed he was: Moment of levity by Shortie; I been holding my pee, maybe I can pee on you being careful not to pee in your mouth

I laughed in spite of my almost tears and told him to go stuff his R.Kelly watersports ass somewhere, after that I called my sister , she looked online and told me that it was in fact tpee or vinegar for my ass

We went to the North Miami Ale House and had something light, he asked for vinegar for me and the pain eased a bit as did the swelling

After that we went to my place, we popped open the Merlot and started drinking: keep in mind neither one of us are what you'd call drinkers, particularly not wine

I showered and put on a nice amply covered up set with boyshorts and we sat there laughing til we cried at the stand up comedy stuff in Comedy Central : it was a gigglefest American Hustle ( That shit about MJ that Katt Williams said? Oh Jeebus), Chris Rock, Dave Artell and Dane Cook (Who I Like in stand up, the way he clowns on chicks!?!)

Funniest joke of the night for some reason to both of us was this sarcastic little shit Sean Rouse saying that during his travels to hick places one dude said: Do you know what drugs is Son?

he goes (dry as fuck with his arthritic hand): Well No Sir I do not, But I know what Drugs ARE

You just had to fucking be there! but here is some of his


Funny shit, towards the end of Katt Williams stuff I am getting my feet rubbed and he tells me my skin is nuts how soft and pretty it is and that he is impressed that tomorrow i'd have hardly any color even thought I was superdark at the moment, Oh and Spike?? getting as much, if not more attention than me

Then he kissed me while we talked.. just a peck, supernice, ran his finger up and down the bridge of my nose just telling me how nice and straight it was and telling me about how his broke when he used to kickbox

He went to shower and I got in bed cause Wine cocks me out and the funnies: I hear his whispering to himself

What happens now, Joder!

I try to not giggle but i mumble what was that? he gets in bed and tells me that is weird that he likes me so much and bought that card and wants me to spend the weeked at his place but that he doesn't know how to go about actually, you know just making the move

Next thing you know my bold ass kisses him and BAM! On like Donkey kong children!, the most fanfuckingtabulous parts were

HE IS FUCKING HUGE

the kissing prevented me from being clearheaded

He is HUNG LIKE A HORSE

He is making all them yummy sounds we like

HE BITES! (as in I have a few bite marks in my leg and um, side of my stomach )

I Scratch

he knows what to do with boobs!

He found the back of the knees all by himself!

Woman on top was A-w-e-s-o-m-e (something about the way he made his body extra tight repossitioned my legs and went to town on that bitch!)

Homey is not squeamish ( Ilovesomuch men who kiss after you suck them stuuuuupid)

hair pulling

shoulder nibbling

and

HE IS MULTIORGASMIC like yours truly, mad props on his control, he says: Hostia Hija Mia that comes with age

Heh! he kept saying JOOOOOODEERRR this is AMAZING


Ahhhh fuck that was extra extra perfect, you know why?? cause is 3 am, we shower get to bed snuggle up and he very much whispers to me

Wow that felt like a cage match!

BWahhahahahhahahhaha.....and he is sorta, um, NOT dead yet, I politely point this out by grabbing him and he whispers, you wanna go again??

Fuck YeaH!!!!!

And do we ever! we slept, woke up at 8 he says something about letting him see my fishycat and more fuckery ensues, now my greedy ass cant walk properly and is a vaginal tear game proper for me

Whycome I love the idea of morning sex but it's like taking out the trash no one wants to do it (get on top , lol)


Oh and Shortie agreed that I might be taller than him by a sec but he still wants me to wear heels whenever I want and he asked me to spend a weekend there with Spike cause now he loves him and shit, a few hours ago he told me that he saw tickets to the Bahamas sort of cheap, I reminded him of my issue with the residency and he then asked well can we travel within he U.S?, anywhere but South Carolina or Arkansas?? LOL (I had to agree) SherBear is an ass, not just for sending me pictures of an old as dirt man getting his pedi done on rough nails but for saying that I need to give classes about wtf am i doing to dudes, she called it

Qucifer Academy of Exotic Excellence

Why do I have and LOVE these friends madly?


Depeche Mode- It's no Good: This song is sexy enough to qualify as my sexy stripper song of the day, get with it!