You don't want to know how this went

Honestly  There were good points to this xmas bullshit and those good points had nothing to do with my family and that bullshit togetherness time, more with peripheral bullshit which also made this a horrific time to  be alone

Let's dive deep into it: I started Monday WEEPING openly like a bitch in my car, crying cause it all just dawned on me that I had two weeks working full time with some semblance of benefits (barely ... going into 20 hours as a contractor) and all the while My Boss, the asshole that don't pay me and the intern were leisurely taking some down time while I held the fort....I've been in a sad shitty mood since Sunday just generally not feeling well ... the fact that my boss won't lay me off all the while keeping an intern?? when I've been LOYAL to him for 4 almost 5 years, efficient, hung in there  ... basically I just exploded on the phone to my sister on the drive to work, additionally i'm slowlyyyyyyy getting sick so I actually got to sit in the car for a few trying to collect myself, i wanted to also punch my sister for throwing some god bullshit on me and telling me how "I'm not alone" when we KNOW good and well how my family acts when anything deeper than a car ride is needed from them... so PLEASE I am alone! I am alone with my bills, my apartment loan modification to figure out and my dog to take care but really that's about it

Then I was texting the girls and honestly I was just feeling groddy, assy and such so all day it was like a fucking leaky faucet... I also told the Munchkin that works back there with us ( the attorney that farts a  lot) what the deal was..... the next day I told the secretaries I'm close too, they were super supportive and nice and they told the ones I'm not so close to and that cunt receptionist I don't talk to, I also told the intern cause she is fucking TIRING me asking me what's wrong why do I seem sad/like I've been crying....I doubt HIGHLY , she didn't know this... I wanted her to leave me the fuck alone, I wanted to deck her if I'm real. They all have been very nice and sharing their struggles with me as well so as to... I guess not have me feel like shit? giving me tips and stuff, anyways all that.


Tuesday I had an amazing day in the end cause of this: The Principal started smut texting me early in the day .... and decided to tell me that I  was to come by tonight for his xxxmas gift to me... which ONLY involved My first full on Voyeur SECOND MMF action ever....Oh. Yes. my. Friends: Im sorry bite me if you think Sex is an opiate or bad substitution for the bullshit I'm going through ( or the bottle of vodka chilled in my fridge!) ... you know what?! let the man be a distraction! Let him use me like I use him and provide me with some fucking respite I'm over all the extra crap being lobbed my way so if I get my tires rotated two days a week by a crazy dominant dude and I happen to not be happy giddy or excited about anything else that's happening in my day to day life? : LET ME DO THAT, cause this shit is no joke.  I'm white Knuckling it through these holidays, time with my family, struggling not to get physically aggressive with some people, depressed, despondent, feeling fat stupid and unable to secure what I need the most with is some financial stability and home stability to where i'm not sure how i'm going to like make the leap to, say, february? at this rate? I don't also gotta be fucking celibate waiting for some bullshit prince charming which I don't believe in on TOP of being cranky overweight about to lose my job of almost five years so Ha fucking Ha!

Onwards then!: this guy tells me we are using his best friend but not to worry, that he will watch a bit and  ONLY ONLY ONLY eat my pussy On my command... OH woooooooooooowww yes please!!! and did he ever deliver!: First of all I get there and I'm not totally sure where his friend is cause I walked in and it was just Detention by his lonesome, delicious In some workout pants no shirt and he tells me that I better be ready to have fun tonight ad to be a good baby at following orders like he knows I can be: What? i told you he gives orders!!

So I'm siting in the couch opposite his by the fireplace ( yeah THAT again) and he tells me to come over to his couch and kiss him.............only I decide to crawl over, very slowly (of course, I would, he of course wildly approved of that) he starts making out with me and I start going down and such but then he picks me up sits me at the edge of the couch and covers my eyes with a scarf.... and lays me flat on the floor and while feeding me his cock and what have you tells me I gotta call "Brian" over to come eat my pussy: Oh my God Like THAT

If you think I didn't and I didn't get my business handled for a good half hour or so before I had to beg BEG Detention to handle me YOU ARE WRONG (oh P.S Brian is ...better that Detention at that so Fuck yeah!, yay me, a dom and an avid Pussy eater??) : First of all BFF Brian ONLY ate me, didn't get his clothes off at all, I couldn't much touch him other than to wrap around my legs on him... cause Uh.. Detention was Forcing me in place...*shudders*  and OMG Detention is all telling him: " haven't i been bragging about the taste of that pussy Brian?"/ "mmHmm"/ "Didn't i tell you she is WILD when she comes? Look at that?"  AARRRGGHHHH it was FANTASTIC! And when I wanted Detention he was in full master mode ( I cannot tell you what was said i know cause I ran it by Karrie and Tai and I could feel them fainting over the phone)  AND Brian Sat In the couch watching us.. I could see him a bit under my blindfold.. supreme hotness... when i was done bucking and trashing and such  I put forth a request for Detention to ..um... finish on um.. me anywhoo so he moves me to the couch ... only for Brian to get Right under me and proceed to service me the whole time until we both have an earthshaking orgasm.....Brian then kisses my cheek super nice says it was incredibly nice to meet me and my pussy , Im so wiped out that I wave in his general direction and collapse on the floor!

After that Detention provided me with some water, towels gets me up super sweet and then we sit there lollygagging about his trip what he did all day and my job, he is a cool sound board, always asking engaging questions and then after it was all said and done we sort of touched upon the fact i MIGHT want to go ahead and partake of a mff thing with him cause he just wants to do me while someone else handles his lower half and truth be told he totally proved me that is doable, being in the room with the same sex and not touch or play with and such (cause on the Kinsey This here bitch is probably 150% hetero, I only want Friend-girls), I think his security on his masculinity turned me on and *shrug* at the end of the day he isn't my husband or anything so the emotional investment is just perfect for this. I told him to go ahead and find a chick he liked  if he wanted to though cause i wouldn't do that, but either that or we can go to the sex club together as a couple, thing is  that's on the table and that's more some guys have gotten me to but as we also sot of talked about: is the Dynamics which are so different, first of all we are not equals, he definitely is the dominant, and I eat that up and all that older dude energy?? So Damned Hot So amazing, he certainly is working a wholee team worth of awesome.  That was so hot that I actually woke up at 5 am to play some more on that... Total Gold standard fuck files.

The next day Of course I was tired But i also decided that we (aka Me and Team Q) would go to work together and that would cheer me the fuck up to round up a nice xmas present for self

and it really was, everyone was nice to him and lovely and get this: Spike wanted NOTHING to do with the Intern which was Nuts cause she was being ultra mushy with him and stuff


so this is what he did all day

and after that we just wet home to chill together some more until it was time for me to go buy xmas presents for the gift exchange...yyyeeeaahh THAT gift exchange where Mami IS my secret santa  *eyeroll* Just great. Good thing Binks came with me so I could Not have to pick it and actually give her lumps of coal, we also tried on dresses and I saw some great imitation brown-enough-for-me Brian Atwood-sy flesh colored  shoes but I'm being good and I only spent the money I was supposed to for the exchange and nothing more

The next day Back to work, Boss  came back, actually they all did and I barely had ANYTHING to tell them I did ask for weds and Thursday off without making any excuses, I was sick as a dog and The Colombian crazy Christian kept mumbling loudly that it was a sin not to let me go home: Not Only did he pay me Then, he let me go at 3 I also arranged to have an interview with another law firm on Thursday BUT real talk I'm kinda concerned cause this is one of those things where they are going to test this and that and they even mentioned some sort of Psych evaluation and  um as is I'm pretty fucking crazy on the regular, I might chart off the deep end at this particular point in my life.. but THERE we go!

That Night we also did nails and cut a minicake for Neeners Bday
 


and Mami unceremoniously gave me an unopened Unused new something gift!!
 
No one is more shocked than me cause she actually aid : it smells like you.. and it did!

So The 24th (which is what we celebrate in my house) me, Binks, her husband and Tia Lusy all wake up siiiiiccckkk , spewing crap/ hoarse and such, YET me and Binks got platters to prepare for the night: Me a ton of Yellow rice, Bink a Plantain Pastelon filled with picadillo, we got to mami's at 2 or so and I napped while I waited for them  Then we got to cooking ( me and Binks alone) we thought for a second soon enough that would probably be solely our responsibility and shit *shudders*

Then I sent the girls some in progress pictures as I'm running the clock ( cause Honest to goodness I don't mind hanging with some of my family... not all of them not at once not with gifts and this sense of "MUSTS" attached to it, I don't enjoy holidays and that's about that) So there I am doing makeup on Mami, sending pics shooting the shit with girls when i get this text

"I Hope you have a merry Xmas and all is well with you "  OM


O Fucking M (I won't mention the part where I was Musing just the night before: I need to self journal and work through this shit, i need to pull myself of this depression but most importantly I need to stop giving a fuck, wondering , holding a smidge for about OM, I mean we ARE done but I'm NOT OVER it and that I need to be, that sick gutty feeling I got when I saw the 25 y.o pussy he is fucking I need to get over it )

Needless to say I became a blubbering mess, i fucked my hair up and essentially i was wiping away tears and makeup/ redoing/rinse and repeating: Thanks Jesus I have the friends I have because I got in the car after i dropped my sister off Locked myself in there sent some teary eyed texts a call from Tai  and a group "regrouping and shit talk call with gem and Karrie" they return me as whole as possible to the party and with strict instructions : Don't be an Impolite cunt if you don't want to be, we know how you feel about him so say thanks and determine how it goes from there

So Like an hour later or so I say a simple: "Thanks, same to you"

Shortly after he sends me I shit you not,pictures of the Doggies he keeps, with fucking Santa antlers, that's a moterfucking low blow cause he KNOWS I love those  (or any ) dogs, the message read: Corey and Red wish Spike a good one too


WE ARE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS TONIGHT!, I"M FUCKING NOT!! This was a fucking sordid mess I'm Not getting dragged into this just as I'm begging the universe to help me be done WHY is he doing this to me ? isn't he happy fucking some skinny little ass?? why is he hitting me up he believes in Xmas 100% even less than I do, he is home alone eating pizza baby sitting some dogs, why me, why not call his piece of ass and stop ruining the fucking hole he left here already He fucking ruined a perfectly good thing between him and I ( sex, companionship.. which in the end is why I suspect he hit me up, bad fart and poop jokes, days on end naked, no talk of anything remotely compromisy) and only came back to ruin a perfectly bad holiday season


So what Do i do? 50 Millions and at least 4 full cups of vodka and random Juice ( i'm becoming an alcoholic on my free time too) I text: Yeah, cute

He fucking replies back that he is going to have them pulling in a sleigh

I tell this shit to Gem, called La for a bit and shut the phone up to drink more and refuse to text him anything else again Gem warns me that This is going to be one of those things where I'm going to need to fortify myself all the way to Chinese New Year cause this coward cocksucker is going to hang on to every excuse to text me since he can't man up and just be happy with me NOR say he missed me, to apologize something ..... But should he hit me up again i'm going to pop off the mouth like the person that I am ( A Bitch with absolutely nothing at all left to lose) I'm going to ask him: What are you trying to do here? why hit me up when I know You've certainly moved to some other pussy Why disrupt my shit when You know how i feel about your sorry incomplete stupid broken ass? why?why? Why Fucking why what for !??


Anywhoodle I got to fake smile some then when i was drunk enough As a surprise ALL of My Uncles danced with me, and my Creepy cousin who is an EXCELLENT merengue dancer ( OMG remind me to tell you of him more , I got a Post long worth of THAT nigglet) and It all started cause My Stepdad saw me all sitting with a drink in a corner and asked me to dance... he TOO is like EXCELLENT everyone complimented his dancing

 Then Nate Dogg and Neeners would NOT let me and my 6 inch heels sit down at all, all night asking me for a dance They had me and my tits bouncing up and down and picking them up asking me to do drops and lifts and whatever else It was brilliant, and eventually he asked me to "follow his lead" and everyone collapsed on the floor laughing at him

Me Uncle Handsome cleaned up the kitchen with the creepy cousin so Tia Lusy had no work to do and then we did the exchange , which strangely kept getting stuck BUT it was fun and upping the gift limit allowed for better gifts, so Tia Lusy Gave ME : a small bottle of Clinique's Even Better Serum which i was running out of and a Marshalls gift card so Pimp! everyone gave good gifts by and large ( Except My stupid ass brother in law who gave my grandfather a smutty deck of cards and My mom got so pissed that she threw them on the trash and then had a shouting match with Binks which I barely caught, cause i was too drunk, Over her stupid crazy husband, so my sister left pissed, and her husband went to kiss ass but mami would not have it) , and they all looked great, and Nate Dogg almost pissed himself with the emergency vehicles I bought him... he begged me to sit on the floor with him to play

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PLEASE PLEASE expand this one  For your entertainment







I thought this was pretty much the end of this forced togetherness, I excused myself as fast as I could to, you know go home weep a little over this year, missing Papi (his birthday is in a few hours) , fucking OM, work my apartment etc, and to get up late


which I was well on my way to doing

ONLY THESE SPICS want to act like gringos and My Mother calls me at 10 tombout: "we gonna do Bronch"


I'm like : WTF? is that??

" You Know Not breakfast, Like Lonch"

Fuck ...Me

Then Eva picks the phone up to say, nah Q we are eating the leftovers

And at 12 i showed up with red rimmed eyes on black slept on eyeliner, all black and a bed mohawk from plopping in bed as I arrived last night...and had some beers with my pastelon and some salad to keep things green and all

On the way there, the intern texted me and I honestly was not in the mood for a rich size zero chick whose dad pays all her bills and who is essentially being kept while my hours get cut give me fucking coke and weed infused merriment when I don't want to really be around any of them... then my bro called me and got fucking paternal and bullshit christmassy with me about all the important people being alive and I told him to cut the bullshit cause to be honest I rather not be around and in case he is not aware my apartment hasn't been paid in two months, my car shuts down on red lights and I'm running on E in just about every regard, he tries to stammer something about JoshDavidDANIELwhateverthefuckhecallshimself Brother in law last night (cause mami told him) and he told me how much he HATED having him over for thanksgiving and they almost came to blows... That was Interesting... but he was going to make me blubber so I hung up pretty quickly, went in at Tia Lusy's where believe you me Uncle Handsome was sitting there taking a poll about Brother in law's dislikeability factor and how much off the charts offensive the gift was, the results: No One Likes Him but 2 people would Put up with him and I'm not one of those two


A Few minutes later Mami came, so did Binks they sort of talked more gifts for the kids, and her husband being an antisocial stupid prick self exiled himself to the yard, never mind he was not interacting with his own kids and their motorized bikes and as always me and binks where the only parents But he actually took a leisure nap in the hammock... Dick


And then Paulie threw me a bone, he said to call him whenever I wanted to unload but that if this all got to be too much to come up to Jax and move with him and start fresh.......That was sweet of him... IOKNOW though cause he has his family, his dynamics and i have not lived together with my siblings in quite a while, and you know how Binks Being here has been ...strange for me ....not to mention is super humiliating in like a million levels But good to know that option is there if needed be, right??


Then I came home and slept.. wake up to an EXCELLENT message from Detention all the way in Boston Telling me that I'm to prep my restrains and wait for him naked in my own bed Monday at 6:30 p.m: Only a sick so and so like me would consider that both sweet/ pick-me-up and uplifting, and just in time for the holidays


Also I'm thinking I'm going to have to blog myself Out of this depression before it really really disables me: I think I'm going to have to starting the new year Take One active Step Daily that I will do a short blog about.. be it a pic, an activity, a song, a positive thought, a god damned application, something anything at all  before I'm not on the next Seroquel commercial cause i cant even afford therapy to get me some awesomesauce antidepressants prescribed ( which Don't sleep, if I could?? I.WOULD.BE.THERE.TWICE.WEEK. RAIN.OR.SHINE)