Stank Faces and why I had to re-activate The Vegan

Lord Do I have so Much to talk about BUT Also me and the Girls agree Twitter takes the fight out of ya, you know???

Also I've become OBSESSED with this crazy bitch here, like I want to be her when i grow up 

 well twitter and gallivanting around like the whore of Babylon and what have you

On one side some shit is still crappy Like My house a/c ( Let me remind you, we hit 80- 81 every day here) my car is still going , sorta about to stall but I'm hoping my little BooThang will go forth til my xmas bonus time, work is still desperately slow and I still don't know what to do about the apartment but I'm leaning towards one last ditch effort to maybe get a modification on the loan but essentially not paying which TERRIFIES ME ( I mean I'll be fucking my credit UP!) but on another hand things are...moving forward in a way... I'm going out I'm sleeping Not a LOT like  a few weeks ago and not too little. I'm having the Quasimodo eye thing but that seems more like a random allergy to something at home, maybe? I'm not sure how the blood pressure thing is BUT I  think is ok cause I've cut down SIGNIFICANTLY on my time with the Stressors, AKA My Family like MAJORLY, My sister has been out of town with the whole gang , and you know what?! Fucking great we got in a tiff about her INSISTENCE that i hung out with my mother an her when I've told her time and again I DO NOT WANT TO BE NOR DO I ENJOY BEING AROUND MY MOTHER, This chick even ratted me out to Mommy Dearest on Veteran's Day, I told her I was off and she proceeded to tell her that... only for me to have my mother INSISTENTLY, NONSTOP CALLING at 8 in the motherfucking A.M When I finally pick up cause I could no longer sleep you know what the E.R was:??? Binks told me that you were off today but didn't tell me the reason why, so why are you off... umm WTF !?!??!?! I was livid enough to call my sister and proceed to give Binks a piece of my mind and decide that this simply is one less person I have to talk about my day to day plans with

Anyways then I've had blissful alone time vetting guys off and saying snarky shit back to them and such when they don't fit what I want and trust me , when guys start emails writing : "Hellow" you almost need to be a cunt  to them just because!.. I'm getting to that later but first ... remember how I said I wasn't   doing Thanksgiving? and they are pushing and pressuring me into going to Jacksonville?? well, Mommy Dearest Didn't know this, Like AT ALL,   I gave all of 2hours of my sacred time on Sunday when I should be busy mentally prepping myself for The Walking Dead on AMC and after a ... um extremely busy Saturday night ,  But I don't think she had enough time to bitch me out about anything or process it when I told her right as I was Leaving, Uh Nawl dawg, I have ZERO Intentions of driving up there/ spending ANY money/ Leaving my dog (not that i said this But Driving with someone for 5 hours that most likely would give me a sermon on the way to my brother's No thanks!)

The Best came like 2 days later cause STUPIDLY for some reason Mr Paulie-who-never-calls-me-AKA my brother decided to have My mother do his dirty work and in her words "Convince me" of coming with her ... Are you fucking with a crack pipe Boy!??!/  why would a person that usually is snide to me, unhelpful, rude, hangs phones up on me, bitches me out about my weight/ "men I haven't kept around" ( Oh she was all asking about OM Sunday) and generally makes me feel LIKE SHIT  Be the Most indicated person to "convince me" of anything!?!? Better luck next time boo! play your cards right, maybe use your wife and her kid, i like them!

Anywhoodie THE highlight of  my week came with the fact that on Monday, I got to finally spend time with one of the dearests friends the Internets have bestowed Upon me for serious! The Bully was In town and we went to lunch to Five Guys together!!!!

Like In. Total. Swoon, we snarked, talked forever, generally acted like assholes looking at the fugly people around us and doing strategics on our regular ain'tshitness... Like for reals the first thing this fool tells me is: You Wearing that To work?!!?  you know I have a long history of at-work-inappropriateness, so yeah ( he says In the last picture I was breathing extremely heavy on him... that's bullshit)


Now On to the manfront Is been borderline ridiculous and as my title says YES I had to activate The Vegan BUT I'm about to explain that: Simple reason Is I've been BEYOND Backed up, Having NOT A GREAT TIME, coupled with NOT GOOD SEX  is NO GOOD FOR QQ

Now Let me tell you about that date I left you hanging about:

How about this guy has not just a HUGE port Wine stain smack Dab in the middle of his face but didn't exactly bother disclosing that, or say, taking pictures that showed this ROTFLMAO i would have been ok with that BUT  here came the kicker for him, he starts shivering ... like a baby chicken...in nice balmy weather while we are in Starbucks.... I being the polite bitch I am ask:  what?, are you cold? he says : Nah, nah... you know... when I meet new people I get .. you know.. nervous


This was my first face no bullshit

This was my second

That shit was such a fucking incredible turn off and so Bitchmade and lame and weird... so that disgust you see in my face.. very much the real thing LOL... of course He registered it cause he said some shit about if I was "happy with the package" I said nothing  and of course he waited a couple of days past what was his one serviceable use and decided to start contacting me and what not , I was pretty uninterested so I left things where they were, like yesterday or the day before he asks If he was that bad that i didn't want to see him again ( no response, I can always show you better than tell you it.. besides my experience is that dudes don't understand No I'm not interested in continuing to see you just cause i was Polite and /or had my kicks with you) wHHHYYYY tonight after first realizing that Uh IM NOT INTERESTED he actually texted in a classic Weezy move acting like : " i'd love to see you and service you tonight"


BWahAhahahaahahahhahahah Bitch. and. Please



ANYWAYS Enter NEXT By next i mean cute, Jeopardy fiend tall guy from New Zealand , by way of Ireland, early gray hair, TALL legitimately so, Chatty, not pushy, and even better in person than in picture (but here is the picture)
 
and smelling GREAT like fucking eatable, broad like a fridge , personable, into the same music I am to where we start YELLING in the Bar singing Bohemian Rhapsody, holler LI-VE AID and then proceed to swoon over Kid A vs The Bends to each other

NO Seriously Best date in a while, funny, we start drinking Stellas Until I cut myself out at 5 and tell him PLEASE no More for me quit having them bring them!... First buzzer noise plays in my head as follows, we go to two places, he knows Bartenders by name ( which doesn't jive with the fact he was all oh yeah yeah two or three drinks unless is beer but I'm not a big big drinker) FINE, The second Buzzer noise comes from the fact he probably had 9-10 drinks easy Like EASY, but he is a huge dude although i did ask him if he was ok, you see, Initially big fun cause he were kissing a little, a lot dancing to a live band playing motherfucking Rick James and Journey and Duran Duran but then I was like Ok i want to go home, cause I am going to not be ok after a while,  and you can come over since you are very yummy...

At this point he has Full on Irish Brogue and is calling himself My Irish Boy and keeping on and on asking Do you mind that? do you mind if I do this? do you mind if i want that?  ( Tai Calls him a Cute Highly functioning drunk after I tell her that he also reached out yesterday to ask me when were we to go out drinking again.... my response: uh I'm not about to drink like that again)

It gets better Folks!

He starts Making out with his scruffy self, perfect he is tall, hard, sexy as hell an excellent kisser, nice package good body and ass grabber...... then he licked my butthole

a lot.. Not a problem, this was great even... Until he started using the biggest roughest worst at dexterity fingers IN THE WORLD!!! ( You see why I always always always Implore guys on my sex blog to quit that shit, no??)  Like to where i has to stop that , but he is in deep awe of my not particularly fabulous butt, fine, kissing, licking TRIeS the fingers again I say DO NOT DO THAT SHIT AGAIN, He asks if he is hurting me I say ABSOLUTELY YES now i'm jarred, he turns me around to give me head, Now i want to sleep and hope than in sleeping this off he too will be better in the a.m...only he is NOT trying to fall asleep, no he starts with the head  *eyes fluttering* THAT WAS ABYSMALLY BAD...... Like HORRID He tried the fingers I flat out had to stop his hand The sucking? like a hoover vacuum and here comes the kicker.....he starts Dirty talking.. .oh My Christ it . was. terrible... This, my friends, was a guy that watched TOO MUCH BAD  PORN ( and by the looks of how long took him to come... well into the next morning and the strange masturbation technique also this is someone that sits there edging himself HARD all day) Understand this I have NO problems at all with dirty , filthy, offensive talk to most people, I have No issues with porn, i understand that to men and me that's like a pedicure to chicks... but when that dirty talk sounds like it doesn't even belong to the situation? ("Do You Miss this dick" Homey how can i miss something i never had? Trust me I asked that) or the Masturbation grip of death robs you of your ability to stay hard with a condom? or when you are edging yourself all day to where you cannot come off normal length and intensity sex?? YOU NEED TO LAY OFF OF WHATEVER PEYOTE/CRACK/PORN/LUBED HAND you are into.. i mean it renders you a useless hunk of meat with not good skills for sex  the best is i Try to sorta make do since we are both awake and all and, hey i love cock, specially nice cock on tall pretty men that smell great: I had to stop .. .why??

 Cause mid-sucking and i mean My special fun stuff that i like to do this guys starts asking/saying dumb shit: Do you miss this cock? do you want to suck this cock? tell me how much you want it, You want to suck it?? huh? Huh/


 I fucking dead stop in the middle of it and turn around to look at him rather fiercely, he goes: Baby why did'ya stop

Oh ok I thought you had lost sensation from your waist down cause i've been doing this for about ten minutes sooooo yeah

Yeah I was pissed anyways I stopped and went to bed and played it of like i was feeling sick, he started rubbing my back and asking me if i needed tea.. in my own house... ROTFLMAO, No see I figure after seeing the Masturbation technique and shit.. why would i bother giving good head to a not so great lay especially when he has made it Virtually impossible for himself to come with anything except that Murderous grip of death?

The next  day he was adorable, he was sweet to my doggie and back on Kiwi accent and touching the right way, i didn't even play it like i wanted more of his "skillz" as we were driving home and he was browsing my music he was asking about us going to the nude beach, I told him No for the nth time ( as i had that pesky family of mine to deal with and such) but he asked about when could we etc etc et cc, Monday he reached out to me while i was at work.. i had sorta agreed with the girls not to be tremendously dickish but to be honest about where improvement was needed and to maybe based on the Likes column ( and the cute factor... trust the picture does him no justice, the man is very arm candy-like) But I've been on thee fence, so much so that I am struggling with even doing basic nice when he has reached out ( No i haven't reached out to him) anyways THAT was kind of a fail, cause he did and I nicely and classily told him that my insides were sore and that "WE were not doing the rough fingering shit again" he said Of course no and when were we going to Haulover beach..That put me in a shitty mood, I didn't answer for the longest time So then he says some shit about if I fancy him to try again he will try to spoil my pussy and kiss it all and make it better  *shrugs* who knows.. maybe second try But i'm really really really not pressed to pursue that even as I STILL needed some real back rearranging sex .. anywhoodie, New Zealand hits me up yesterday and i REEAAALLLLYYY was there struggling to not snark and shit when he said "When are we drinking again".. But as you saw way up above I restrained myself and simply remarked that I wouldn't drink that hard again and shit, then he agreed and asked for like a real date/time I said Ummm Saturday? Sunday? maybe?

I'm kinda hoping he falls off too ANYWAYS no More digression... Sunday Out of the blue and just a sweetly as each and every time he has hit me up The Vegan Calls Texts emails, superpressed ( i don't answer cause I was at mommy dearest) but the more and more I thought about it  the fact i had "sex" Saturday wasn't a deterrent, It was more of my policy of not letting formers back into the fold.. and also i didn't want to explain my July to November sad shitty life (Never mind that he also loved my hair) or deal with  a whinny "why haven't you answered my calls and texts"

By Tuesday Morning I was just Both ravenous and thinking that was stupid policy.. I mean he was always pretty inoffensive and a good time, So after some more push from bad friends, I send him a vague hey look, is the offer still open, sorry i didn't answer you before and all

He called me 3 times in under an hour... and he was off... and he reshifted his whole day  to come see me... and he drove from SoBe to ft lauderdale to see me and when half i-95 was closed due to a shooting he found a way around, and after that, Boy oh boy did he deliver! First of all he loved my hair, rubbed my head, grabbed my face and kissed me in front of god and everyone... really nice, commenced a backrub before we were completely up the stairs, and essentially gave me the best head I've gotten post OM, a footrub and licking, a few easy to hide bruises, only one of my earrings was missing BUT was easily found, he then cuddled me told me how he wants to move to Hawaii asked me nice long questions about what I wanted to do about this place, hugged me and did nice things to just about every part of my body ... and you know what?? after being genuinely panicked that I wasn't going to get fucked well again at the very least at a Weezy ( I can't stand you but you are a good hatefuck) level, Much less an OM Level( ( i could do this all day, I could also sit with you in this couch making poop jokes all day)  It was nice that The vegan was everyything i needed him to be, plus nice, sweet non accusatory , relaxing

I cannot tell you how SWEET and Nice i was the next day.. to where my boss actually did a double take and asked if I had gotten some ... don't ask me how he knows these things



Morcheeba- Public Displays of Affection: Oldie but goodie, Charango is a great cd



Ely Guerra- Lontano: YES BITCHES! Ely Has new music and she has that ridiculously kickass artwork and i think this is my fave on this cd

Que Mas??? No nothing I'm operating at pretty good capacity now that I am not fiending for sex and sorta commited to some course of action about the house even if My apt is hella Hot and my car is just sorta... about to die, I told you a good fucking is as calming as sleeping pills for me