UGHHHHHHH

Seriously let me give you a quick rundown:


 Mami hung up the phone on me yesterday As it was I was plenty irritable cause I didn't sleep much the previous night cause i was stressing about the Apt after my Mortgage company was threatening me with  force placing insurance on me... even though I already have insurance... Magnificent...

Oh why did she hang up?? Cause I don't want her apartment hand out  now that i don't need it and that it would start by ruining my credit... over her!?!?!? Not to mention Berating me about whether or not (get this) Her sisters are paying their homes... GTFOH

 whatevs


 But is a blessing cause I have the perfect built in excuse to NOT have to talk to her at all.. I informed as much to my sister just as i previously told her I'm NOT coming over for thanksgiving... Im just too tired of them and their demands so this is as i said My opportunity to move from this as fast and as best as possible ( sure later on the day she acted like I said nothing and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with my mom, I told her Fuck. NO and that this was a hard line I was Taking so to not bother me about nails sunday... that she could come get the shit and become mami's new Nail person)


Aside from that i've started going to the gym... again, at nights.. I have to DO something cause i'm sort of quite frankly sinking in the morass I also need to interact with humans outside my family and Most importantly (for my Mental health , since I don't have ANY money) GET. VIGOROUSLY. FUCKED. ASAP : Look I'm sorry if that offends some of you .. I'm not a griever or a cryer I'm a worrier, My stress level is through the roof, My blood pressure is still coming up as high at random, I'm broke (we also just sent my dad a suitcase of shit.. think Money expense... a very necessary one though) I do not need to cry in the pillow or eat more than usual I NEED COCK < I need to have some flirting and endorphin release with guys I'm Into, something that would make me decompress and trust me Porn is Not doing it for me when I'm so down (the way it works is that i'm horny and regularly getting some and to keep myself up with my sex drive I WATCH porn Pre-dates and such... sorry TMI!)


GUYS OTHER Than the Vegan ( who keeps trying even though I essentially said NO) , or the one my boss tried to set me up with... UGH! that lame wanted to ask about massages I cut his ass quick, don't rush me for something I'm wiilling to do , makes you look gross.. even worst before the actual date

To this end I NEED to start going out, putting out feelers, get back on the Online-shooting fish-in-a-barrel Horsey (Look Is not my fault I'm already pretty antisocial and this is easy, I let them come to me and veto according to my needs) So I'm going to.......However Is not for lack of prospects is cause I want what I want, not what approaches me ESPECIALLY is I want to get a good romp going, For example that emo kid Pasty was trying to throw on me?? Nixed, Pasty KNOWS I'm not about to date a 5'8 dude, then there is also The Nigerian (By way of Canada) guy I met when I went to the beach on Rosh Hashanah??? well we've kept in loose contact but he's suddenly increased the frequency... Because he got riled up talking about white people he was NOT my cup of tea , however talking since he has been Interesting, he is still tall, nice accent, we like horror and Stephen king and Dean koontz so he asked me out to go watch Saw possibly Friday..... I might go (still have one foot out) but he promised me a good time and that if nothing else we can be friends I am going cause it'd be a nice way to throw myself OUT out my bedroom where I spend Most of my time naked under the covers... I like that he is super polite and not being pushy and there are , no kids, nice job no shades of Metrosexual or thuggy nothing and he reminds me of a conceited Tall version of my stepdad, which is a compliment but tells you I'm not hot in the pants.... in his over cocky confidence that he has this in the bag he assumes I'm interested yet he doesn't realize that he gets to ask questions, talk about himself and I don't exactly ask him anything...Much LOL ... but I'm interested in watching that Saw Movie and going out to somewhere other than my family's place or dealing with Pearl and her stupid dude business she can't let go off.

 But yeah I should start going out in good faith and optimist, or some suchshit, Tai also was saying maybe I need to join a club or something online so i can meet people into the same shit I like... I think i might try that.. we shall see how this outing goes and report back if indeed it does at all and I don't self sabotage this low pressure stakes thing.