I have a Family full of douches and other problems

Hola Friends! So i haven't been around these parts, wanna Know why!??!?

I've been sick, borderline Depressed about my finances and my apartment, dazed, confused and thinking of what's next for me, call it a mid-midlife crisis (Unless I live to 60 only in which case it's totally midlifey!!)

Let's start! Last you heard from my sorry ass I was um: SICK but dealing with bullshit Family whinny wants and such, bueno I'm STILL sniffling and shit TODAY a week after, my family have behaved throughout, like A BUNCH OF DOUCHEBAGS (as described by La... i Said that Is true, it smelled like a Calgon Lavender Scented Meadow up in my area). So that Friday the whole shenanigan with that stupid Brother in Law I have "trying to surprise" my sister which was not so much a surprise as much as his big fashionable reveal of the new Hobo Look (P.S My sister gave him so Much shit and he is SO immoderate that yesterday he just turned up with a completely shaved head... that asshole and YEAH is better than that gross ass hair, cause he has a nicely shaped head that rivals mine)

Bueno.. That night he whined and whined but left his car in my complex so he could ride with my sister etc etc etc ... the next day i went for my yearly Pap and such and that's when I get told I have High blood pressure and Must watch it... that of course is NOT something I'm happy about and that is probably stress related but do we share this info with Mommy Dearest?!?? : NO! big Fat NEGATIVE.. you know why?? cause she is rude demeaning and dismissive and the first words out or her mouth would be"fat" "diet" and so on and quite frankly THAT would raise MY stress level so NO I'm not discussing that with a Dr. that lives amongst my family

After that I had to stop by the mechanic.. to look at the tune up which was under warranty which was still NOT acting right: Those guys were sweet got me meds joked with me and changed some shit in the car (sparkplugs) but essentially hit me with this: I need a new distribuitor, they wont charge me for the work but Is a need to do job to ultimately resolve the shut down issue and this might make my car run like new, still they did what they could to buy me a few more weeks and all, Price tag: 345 bucks... That was before my  car window mechanism got fried... driver side window no less.. i hate my life

After that I went home to Sleep/ pass out/ cry in a ball (I couldn't cry cause I can't but I did go back to sleep and such) I get up at 6 to a message from OM ( Who I had not really spent time with more than that night with spicky previous Saturday AKA no sex) particular attention paid to the detail that I no longer text and all right!? I answer a Text but i stopped Texting because well There is a vibe there that HE needs to fucking snap out of and I'm not playing this fucking game... anywhoo HE texted me, I told him I was sick and here is the strange thing:

He asked me if I wanted anything.. I told him I had shit to get but I had no energy to be out that i was gonna rally in a few to go walk spike/ buy meds etc, he asked me to text him what I thought i wanted/ needed and he'd get it... I said: "Are you serious? would you do that?" he replied of course!

And although he was home 20 minutes: he brought me Groceries I needed, soup, medicine Milk, oreos, FroYo the flavor I like and fixed my dvd player in the room so I could watch a movie, rubbed my head kissed me on the forehead and left

Yeah

The fucked up part?: I go out to walk spike previous to that and see My Brother in Law's car isn't there .. I first panic thinking their car got towed and call them flipped out: My sister doesn't answer my brother in law sounds like a fucking idiot, he says he came to get his but left Binks' in his place I tell him THERE IS NO CAR there so wtf ... he then hands over to my sister (who didn't previously answer) to say : Oh yeah i went and got it!  So let me get  this straight: You came to my house, you know I am sick, I'm always fucking doing shit for you, It was Too beyond your possibility to just fucking knock on your sister's door and say "Hey I hope you're alive, I'm swinging by but leaving asap" That was too much?!?!?


That's when I decided some people are not really worth my time any fucking more

The next blow comes from the fact that as I'm pondering this and starting to really think Why am i sticking around here for besides being currently broke (I am still angry about my boss for "joking" about the work stability etc, so I've been re-doing my resume) I've concluded that besides not Utterly ruining my credit and the fact I'm broke and Passportless at the moment NOTHING except my dog are holding me in place... cause i know the ingrates in my family would turn that poor dog to the Humane society before my flight left the tarmac if they had to care for him... but other than that:

*My car is dying slowly on me, I don't want a new car, i just want mine to not die on me

*My apartment is currently worth 22k... my loan is 75k

*My family is populated by the kinds of assholes that look out for only ONE person

*I actually had to put Pearl on Ice along with pretty much everyone

*I'm not having sex with the dude I'm supposed to cause he is on some kind of emotional rag cause shit was going too good for his liking and evidently I must make a serious decision even though I DO NOT want to but I'm tired of this grown man fucking everything up just because

*Changes freak me the fuck out

* I lack basic Patience

So yeah I'm dealing with that and this overwhelming UNHAPPINESS with where things are right now, I almost seriously want to stay put at work, quit paying my mortgage hoard money fix my car/ get a passport and Bolt with my dog and go see my friends taking a cross country trip then decide where I want to live

The girls basically love and support me and want to see me happy so they want me exploring my options regarding this in the least damaging responsible way possible

Binks Panicked but then had to grudgingly agree that I don't HAVE TO be here

JC Told me he would find out if It's worth it for me to keep my apartment vs losing it and renting eventually (keeping in mind a foreclosure is a year long process and that I might not theoretically be saving that much money Losing my apartment vs continuing being a homeowner even though is clear I HATE IT). he also analyzed the job thing and said: Stick it out until they fire you, not a good Criminal Law Market now... besides you don't live off of credit you are not as badly off as you think

My Mother overheard me and Binks Talking yesterday and she immediately "decided" again, without Consulting me, that she will shortsale me the apartment I DO NOT want... ridiculous, No I said Absolutely nothing cause NO ONE asked her..... for a Reason, I don't want her shit I don't want to owe her anything, end. period (speaking of:  I don't see her much anymore but she was so casually bothering me Last week about when would I go do her nails even though i told her 4 times I was stuck at the mechanic and CLEARLY sounded like shit... fuck offering me a ride even!)

Anyways I was all sicky and alone at home wallowing on this uneasy feeling to where I decided to take monday off.. being that I NEVER do that I was wracked with guilt couldn't rest anyways and even called my boss to ask him if he needed anything UGH!

The same guy that has just been mildly texting me (OM... about my health)  informs me that he was coming over to bring me lunch and to tell him whatever I wanted to eat.. Which was crazy awesome and I was super grateful.. and then he came with these

.. for me ... so sweet.... kissed me and left

Of course I was awed and thanked him profusely, He and I chatted a bit he left after 20 minutes( on his way to work)  and then....That was It!

No , seriously THAT was IT!, after that he texted me Tuesday night and Wednesday and that is The Last I've heard from him we've not hung out nothing at all since those 20 minutes THAT past Monday no sex longer than that... and you know what?!? He could very well be out of town/ home/ working/ fucking dead in a ditch and I wouldn't know... or really particularly care to know at this point.... honestly I  Haven't texted him cause as I said before he was already acting all gruffy for no reason and shit and so I will NOT be bothering you, or taking up your motherfucking time and also I have shit to get snarly about myself (namely he hasn't missed much time online) So this is what: I feel like ass for not contacting him inasmuch as it makes me feel like an ingrate after he was the only person to check on a bitch last week and I also think he finally wised up that I wasn't reaching out to him or suggesting we hung out AND I wasn't doing that for the Attitude he's been taking AND i think he is testing me out, i think that i could text him right now and he's going to answer right away .. But i'm tired... I hate that he might think i'm dating or whatever cause i'm NOT (Yet!), but remember that this was what he said he was going to assume if I grew distant towards him (How about think about how the fuck you come accross and what you rather do on your free time than spend time with me?) ... But essentially now he is back to his basic play: Let me let time pass and she will be less pissed (NOT the way it ever has worked out)

So now I'm of two minds regarding this: Military silence which eventually worked with Weezy (i don't favor this so much cause I really don't think he shouldn't get to hear WHY things have gone off the rails so badly) , Door number two is act chill and nonchalant when he does surface which if he is not dead, cause, he will! he always does , accept the invite which he would have to offer ( no easy ways in/out) and then face to face just unload all that pent up useless shit he has created and why this is just not going to work and warn him that yeah, he will see me around and it'll be his fault for not dealing with things that were being handed to him on a silver platter

Is sad

I'm sad (but pretty)

And everything in life has a fucking solution but as I said: Right this minute... I'm tired/ sick/ overwhelmed/ broke/worried about my health/ angry with my family/ over OM/ over my apartment/ wishing to wake up a few months from now or not at all but either way.. i'm slowly going to dig my way out of this HORRIBLE mood... you know how?:

With the help of my awesome friends which give me the giggles on a bad shitty day I Mean Seriously My friends and my twitter feed?!?! GLORIOUS.. why just recently Juvenile... yes THAT Juvenile BLOCKED ME from following him cause I Made Jokes about his name!!)

With the kindness from strangers ( A client's mom - he is in jail for murder has as she explains: Adopted me, first she got me silver earrings from Colombia a while back... last week she came with a crucifix with tiny stones in it,,, happened to be rubies like my birth stone, she said she had some nuns take it and bless it in some place in Colombia)

With the same old awesomeness

And with my daddy Emailing for like the first time in his life saying shit like: This shit is pretty awesome... wait whose Fetus is that? Yours, Binks' or Paulie's  (Winner : Paulie .. it was a Scan of Ada Sofia's 3d sonogram)... and  "I still love you like the day god gifted you to me"