I've got a full plate for you: Night of a Million Whores (AKA MTV Award Live Blog)/ My life the past week

The Night of a Million Whores  For MTV Liveblog

Chelsea Handler: YOU are the reason why I'm even doing this again this year (you and Lady Gaga's Clothes) seriously I actually think people asked me last couple of awards why I sat it out, Mostly cause I HATE everyone in these shows

The Arrivals (AKA Pre-Mess):

7:18 (pre show commercial) : I hate you Sway I really do  let go of that fucking stoner stupid affectation hair, it only looks like you are smuggling children in there

8:00 WHAT IS IN HELLS NAME THAT shit Lady gaga Had on!?!? Bwahahahah it was like Indian Princess on acid

This Drake person does aBsouLtely nothing for my Vagina, he also talks like a smuck

Who is this Jim Cantiello guy and why he looks re-re!??: Bwahaha these Paramore Kids, No One talks or takes off their glasses, how polite , bring dress hon-bun!

Apparently Su-chin's dress was picked by blind mice (aka the viewers from mtv) I'm temped to change the channel if they are gonna talk all night about Nikki minaj and I will NOT try to hear this coon Trey Songz or whatever talking about sex appeal... Oh objectively NeYo's clothes look very nice and dapper

 WHAT The FUCK Is Katy Perry wearing, ugly hair, tissue paper dress busted cheap looking cutouts , nice mani though

I'm NOT wanting to discuss this Bieber Child or the Minaj thing  other than to say one looks like a young lesbian the other looks like a Miami hoodbooger

Jay Sean or what have you looks like Asiz Ansari's pretty brother to his deformed child GAHHHH STOP. TALKING. about. Nicky. Minaj

Sean Kingston looks like the a damned snow man

Jesus This Snooki thing is so orange, she looks dirty, FILTHY

8:19 Gaga got a pre show Video Award for Bad Romance and the one for collaboration for Telephone with Beysus the Creole

8:24 Jared Leto is such an insufferable douche cock , seriously

and that Bieber girl is at it agai, bless his Lesbian looking ass, Usher is too old to be hanging around this child

8: 32: this Nicki Minaj is "performing" to horrid Sound quality and cotton candy hair and atrocious makeup job , im just going to watch group sex porn until this preshow shitshow is over I can't with this idiot's faces or will.I.am ridiculousness

8:42 why is there a jackass movie coming out and why does it need to be 3d and why I can't stand those guys?


8:45 this blah blah blah Magnaniello person MUY DELICIOSO, Evan Rachel wood looks cute but her dress looks ill fitting

8;45 i'm pleased with  this snippet of Kayne West Video... that guy is hellbent on making me like him and his brain... i don't wanna but i will

Kesha Looks like John Travolty in drag, has a trashbag dress on and a Lil kim circa 200's weave on. I  like this Emma stone girl

Gaga Is everything: Alexander McQueen Last Collection Psychotic Dress, she is with 4 full formal dress military service members discharged due to their sexual orientation.... she is everything


The Show Proper(Mess):

Em Opens the show... a fucking beast A BEAST crazy new face notwithstanding... oh well NOW Rihanna came on, Terrible do, a slightly better  dress than Bjork's infamous Oscar number

Oh lindsay that's all you are.. an opening skit.. with Gummy worm lips

Chelsea opens with a parody of Gaga Hilarious bitch, and a  bird flew out her cooze.. LOL First woman to host the VMAs hopefully she doesnt go bad LOL jokes about Bieber!, and this lady is DRONK... and she already talked shit about the shore kids BWahahah she made the Bieber is gay joke

BIG BLACK ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM- where is Kanye Bwahahah

Ellen comes to do female Videos: I don't like anyone except Gaga ...and she wins! (Katy Perry shot a look)  and she is weepy and Ellen fixes her dress and she thanks her gays and her monsters and the servicemembers she brought

:skit with random nominees:  I wish the broken bells would will but they wont (new artist) then I see this shit about Deadmau5 playing during breaks... fucking idiotic and criminal, that means Robyn will be put on that slot as well UGH!

The cast of Jackass gets air time again and fucking Deadmau5 is playing commercial

Rock video: OMG  3 faves already: MGMT, Florence and the Machine and Muse... Paramore might get it though... ewwwwwwwwwwwww Jared Leto and his shitty attitude NEIN!

Why a person as young as Kim is messing with her face?? is a mess she looks all cat part ass... well is Justin Bieber I want to turn the channel to ANYTHING else

Kesha Looks stupid once again BUT they paired her out with that gross trey songz dude, and she can't read and Usher is putting a show now and i don't like him but he can dance like a LOT and so far has done the best little showing tonight


That Miami looking Hoodrat  Minaj and Katy Perry are presenting best male: Eminem: Of Course ugh some bawdy Joke, hate these two insipid hoes



Ashley Greene and Jared Leto get the fuck Off my screen FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I think I only love her right along the same love I have for Thom Yorke i see so much promise in her, i love her voice I love that whole cd that leggy bitch is amazing


I can't even understand how the fuck N.e.R.D gets stuck doing Hot n' Fun outside instead of on the show proper.. fucking idiots at mtv



GLEEE GUYS!:  Bwahahah Jane Lynch looked pissed, called Ke$ha KEYSHIA and she looks hot, OMG OMG Gaga won, and she is wearing an awesome awesome dress shiny puffy black dress you can tell from this far the workmanship is amazing, I wish I could see it  up close


Now Taylor Swift is singing a song with Horrible audio, she also cannot sing live.. song seems like a compassionate pity fuck to Kayne


Drake and MJB and Swizz Cheats and I can't really cause I don't like MJB Voice she always acts crazy live and I don't care for this Drake situation , but I like that they scream Oh you Fancy Huh!? I loved her suit so MUCH, the fit was divine, and her hair is swwweeetttt and wait was that Rihanna giving a comment about the performance??


I Like that they are giving some sort of technical award, I want for Gaga to win it too dammit .. or Jay Z


Jesus Chelsea got in the hot tub with the Jersey shore, Enter that asshole Sofia Vergara (don't start me on that chick ok?? she is an idiot, she sits always in interviews to complain about Gringos having a narrow way of viewing  spicks and Having to dye her hair black to fit into that .. only to put upon that asshole backwards accent and play the vapid sex kitten at every turn.. she has been in this country like 20 years, bitch. Please) 

I like what Neyo is wearing, Not you Selena you look like when I used to dress my Barbies with Foil  never heard or Identified a full song of either of these three kids: Bruno Mars/Hailey whatever with red hair or B.o.B But they all sound very nice, Bruno Mars I's say I like the best if i'm honest, love her get up for some reason, fresh and young and occasion appropriate 

aAhhgeqwjfgouqewgfwqwuhwelijkhl Robyn Got screen time!!! and a Remix of Dancing on my Own, with Deadmau5 on deck i posted that only a few weeks ago, love that bitch, love and adore her hair


Romeo from aventura Made it to the VMAs?? who woulda thunk it! and Bieber the 12 y.o lesbian won best new artist... better than kesha!


Linkin Parrrrrrrkkkkkk!!!: i neeeeedddd this song for my late drives to work and for running


Jesus Mary and Joseph!: Not only does Cher show up with the get up from turn Back time but song of the year goes to Gaga and she is wearing a meat outfit (Like made out of meats and she makes Cher Hold her Meat purse, cries and announces the title of her new cd and also sings a few Bars and is about the Gays!)


and Kayne Is killing me and trying to make me like him I adore the red suit he is wearing, i love these crazy Ballerinas on stage, I Love this shit is so spare, I LOVE the fact he is apologizing with "Lets have a Toast for the douchebags/jerkoff/ assholes" This is nothing if not genius!

NOW ON TO THAT OTHER SHIT

Well I have so much shit going on and stuff that technically drags me down cause I don't like dealing with so much bullshit, I'm a slacker and that Is exactly how I like it!, Instead i'm trying to stay afloat with Money issues, body issues (I have not had the time or energy to go workout and that just triggers me like you have ZERO notion)  Things have slightly normalized themselves today  But THIS was straight up, no lie how my last week  was!


My sister leaves at 7 friday am with all the lights on, the whole time she is yelling at these kids and repeating herself ad nauseaum, NOT asking them to be quiet NOR doing that shat in the living room, both children keep waking me up being shrill crying etc

Why were they there on a weekday: Cause her a/c crapped out again, and me not being more of a betch offer her to come spend the night: You'd think she'd be grateful : NO she was giving me an attitude cause I told her to quit dillydallying around and BRING the kids (she was acting like she had this and that to do and her kids would be hungry, I respond DINNER IS DONE JUST BRING THEM THEY CAN SHOWER HERE, she says: Look I didn't say I wouldn't go.. excuse me who is doing who the favor)

She gets to my house and immediately leaves cause she has to resolve a banking issue, Immediately the children started acting a punk ass mess

Then My No answer-no solutions having sister says at 10 pm  Oh I forgot NateDawg's shirt for school, I tell her Either drive my car and go get it NOW or they still make 24 hours walmart, BUT nonetheless she whined about it nonstop, THAT crisis is averted only for her to damned near cry that she effed up her boss' reservation and omg what is she gonna do they are charging 160 bucks to change it in Jet Blue she is gonna have to eat that.. I tell her to HUMOR ME and call Jet Blue and ASK since they travel with them every week, she whines she has no battery, I dial this number for her from my phone and this idiot has the nerve of sounding bitchy on the phone I'm coaching her right there to Butter them up and voila: DONE no charge (I hate this woeth me tendency she has that resolves absolutely nothing, I don't understand how this chick just sits wringing her hands about shit half the time without actually putting any work towards resolving whatever is bugging her.

That morning RIGHT after she left, My brother who never calls me accidentally dials me as he is prepping to come down and I'm TRYING To make this headache go and sleep 30 more minutes (that's another thing I told them i didn't care anymore cause they've been telling us every weekend they are coming only they don't and anyways he is not the warmest most engaged individual with us  (He came and I actually saw him twice and all we did was sit on the couch)

Oh and as an aside  my grandfather the jerk is in the hospital and this could very well be his last stay: On the one hand I hope he doesn't die this month since is Mami's bday and she is the only one of his kids that still tolerates him and has any feelings for him on the other hand Will someone memo My mom and Tia Isabel to cut the dramatics?!: This is not a young dude that has taken care of himself and is SUDDENLY dying : This is a 80 y.o diabetic man that still abuses everything he shouldn't have,  is missing 5 toes, is rude ungrateful in dialysis , not a nice man or a decent husband (since until he couldn't walk much he cheated on my grandma time and again with a million women a bunch of illegitimate children)  or father or grandfather (unless you are Lu and happen to be white with green eyes) yet every time he is in the hospital My mom acts like is her duty to see things through, she herself gets sick and her and Tia Sa start crying and carrying on like this is wholly unexpected

I WANT OUT OF THIS FAMILY: Since then my grandfather has pulled through, i've been made to call the hospital to bitch and complain about his care. but again a bunch of people in my fam. aren't doing shit but apparently these things fall on me (including taking care for free of people's aka THEIR own FORECLOSURES!)

So you see... I NEEDED time away from my Family, only I landed so to speak on Pearl's Backyard and essentially here I'm back to being the counseling brigade (we are talking about hour long talks semi daily if not daily), what I thought would be a nice poolside morning turned into a counseling session cause there she acting like she can't choose between shit and diarrhea (that being the barely employed fresh from Turkey (Aka Broken English), very Muslim very domineering guy that no one likes, but is hot-ish... diarrhea being the 50 y.o guy that after months of talking was still on a dating site and Oh! has herpes.. but she acts like these are very hard decisions)

..I NEED a vacation from Everything!

Later on i was able to hang with OM and this was due to the fact our trip had to be canceled cause:

A) he worked like all the way til Saturday afternoon

B) his car had to be towed in

C) car was overheating

So I actually got there and we had to go get a thermostat which he then went on to install on his car only that didn't seem to solve the issue right away so we knew that Sunday we would need to get a water pump, essentially the trip was scrapped out , My car is not in excellent condition itself so instead we just drove around to get a movie, dinner and some very very very delicious SEX (I'm not gonna lie, I have been given a LOT of sex, from shower sex, to couch sex to am sex,  to just head til i cry uncle, I've returned that favor too etc etc etc etc) . We watched Death at a Funeral and essentially sat there screaming laughing at Tracy Morgan

After that and the sex (ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm couch, bed, shower sex oh hells yeah) we woke up to more sex( ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a.m riding sex ) , lunch and getting the water pump, only now it seemed like things were working better on his car... but at that point my sister was playing sick and I called off the whole thing off since this just meant spicky was alone and people were acting like the five minute drive was too much for them.. I really am finding that my family by and large is becoming disappointing, I feel angry at them  a LOT of the time (Not today btw, they have toned the fuck down cause i've made no bones that I do not want to be around them lately)  actually there is one person in my family outside my grammy that doesnt piss me off to this level of pissivity and is Tia Sa. Is like all the do is call me at work to do legal stuff for them, call me at home to guilt trip me about not hanging with them (Mami), call me when i get home to plead beg ask for me to leave my dog alone and go hang with them for no purpose, or to watch kids (sis) or tell me what I Gotta do (Mami) and when I need them???? No one wants to come forward or at least have the decency of not acting inconvenienced on the name of all the many times I have to come forward for them.

Things have been so stressful for me I even had a particular re-episode of my ongoing mom nightmare (that recurring dream where I have an angry fight with Mommy dearest)  well yeah... ANYWAYS that was another thing where my sister wanted to give me shit about "Oh well that is cause you haven't fully forgiven her from all the stuff she did (did?? excuse me? you mean keeps doing? does when she has no need to?? THAT "has done"??) I think this is an easy position for my sister to go into cause is convenient for her to keep the peace since, you know ,she largely reaps the benefits from this, she went on to tell me maybe I remind her on Papi, maybe she is pulling from her bad experiences, maybe she also feels rejected by me and all this other horseshit, I told he I no longer expect her to be nice, of helpful, or motherly to me, i just DON'T want to deal with her daily nor monthly basis if I could help it.

Now then OM..... *sigh* is like this......sometimes he adds stress to my life... honestly is not for his old crap, cause actually he's been on his p's and q's, not just lately, I would say since he came back around my birthday (and more and more every time, i think gem called it when she said getting shit out of his system? and someone staying put for that) ...even those two convos we had to have regarding exclusivity and the one before his trip to Detroit about him finding out i would perhaps date? once we had them face to face (and even thought i did get teary eyed afterward etc) it was mad respectful, there was no histrionics, no names calling no nothing just expressing  whatever it was and whatever was said was said; My stressing comes from me not being able to understand or read this dude, from the fact that I've cut out everyone to deal just with him (OMG i thought I had secured and directed to VM the Vegan!, But he called me Thursday night!!!! INCREDIAKWARD!!,)  but i know he gets to do his lonely asshole thing, he does and that's it, Also he's been working a LOT like 65 hours a week type of crazy on weekends etc, he always shows me his time sheets and mileage etc I also like space but i can't understand as good a time as we have when we are together (like we went to bed the other day in TEARS Laughing) I can't fathom that you'd to act like you wouldn't want that always and YET I can see the changes in him: like how he sets up all these things to make me comfortable in his house, like the bedding, my drinks, putting a filter so i always have water, music when I shower, water by the bed for me, what he calls our "couch blanket",  running off and setting up new window treatments cause i can't sleep with all the light, whining if i leave early even though I don't wake him up, he says i trick him, i tell him if there is light I can't sleep, promptly texting me back, recording my programs and the ufc fights so we can watch them together,Pretending he cant pick his clothes and asking me to choose and then of course I iron them and whatever else, but I find it hilarious cause HE KNOWS what he wants to wear, he just wants to match, fucking tool!...or letting his hair grow longer than HE likes cause I LOVE to play with it etc... ohyeahandthathead!

So there is this shit where I'm coming to the serious realization as much as I LOATHE to do this type self examination that More than "having feelings" for this dude...I'm ..like IN LOVE

...that makes me mad cause this is the worst type of person to fall for and want this with but... UGH! I am, he is difficult he's had a hard life, he is a pervert, a loner, an asshole , about as antisocial as me, more scared than me of a relationship AND ultimately, guys no longer make me nervous/worried/irked/pose any threat to me..... He does in every way and that scares me, and intimidates me

*I love that he is a hard worker even as that munches into our time together I LOVE that ( trust me live in Florida and have the men I have in my family... you'll learn to adore that)

*He Is Tall and so effing cute (Just my physical type, so hairy, so hairy....just a nice juicy ass, HELLO TALLLLL!!!.. you learn to value that when you are 5'8 with no heels)

*No Kids, wants none ( I can tell you of at least... 4 guys that have asked me to HAVE children with them in recent memory not to mention that whenever i'm in a relationship dude's bio clock starts going for no reason, imagining"our kids together" is nuts)

*I am sorry to say this, even as I know it comes from a crappy place, but I TRULY ADMIRE that he has cut out everyone from his family and guilt trip be damned, he said they didn't ever have a positive effect on his life and when he was done he called it a day. THAT is BALLS

*Um Yeah His Balls, No seriously the whole thing when you see him is pretty laid back respectful and unassuming.... but that guy in the bedroom is SICK sick sick and I love that, I tend to think my sex drive isn't exactly normal and I like that in one LONG round this guy puts me to sleep for good, no need to try and get more "after he gets his second wind" or anything of the sort, is just beastly, and in case i forgot to mention it again, he chokes me ties me and eats pussy like nothing before or since and You all know i've made no bones to try with someone  else, is just.. ridiculous

* i like that He hates being warm but he covers me up like a burrito at night and cuddles me and lays on top of me holding my hands  with his feet pretzelled into mine and fluffing my hair til im completely asleep and Then he turns to his side, and that Saturday mornings, so I can sleep he puts enough barriers to block my light so i'm not all waking up extra early.

* I like those embarrassing dances and faces he makes cause I can only laugh until I tell him : Sir GOOD DAY I won't look at this shit anymore

* I like that he gets all gruff sometimes but still refers to me as Sweetheart, or Little Girl

*I like the chill time we have together doing the simplest nothings watching tv, fixing shit together, making dinner, picking stuff to see/ buy/ eat etc,  I can't do much but accept his idiosyncrasies and try and be patient until I cant be patient anymore... THAT is hard for me cause I'm not patient, nor the one to be talking about this, and really, neither is he ...speaking of that  we spent the last couple of days relaxing together cause....

....I DID HAVE A MUCH NEEDED PRESSURE RELIEVING STAYCATION!:  it happened like this!; my boss gave me Thursday Off and i didn't tell any of my family this, which resulted in me taking a day to wake up late, go to the bank and open a savings account, go to the gym, eat, go to the beach (I was on the way back when some Random braggy West African dude started talking to me, point on the french talk, the chocolateyness and the height, the telling me my ancestry could/should be from Senegal or whatever (utter deduction on the incessant talk of the diaspora, the proud black man, the Muslim life, acting like I wanted kids, the Chavez sympathizing the bragging about money, actually getting into a political discussion with me, he asked for my number I needed to get out so I did but i put him in the do not answer list )  rub a couple out to "Y Tu Mama Tambien" (pointless in a way extra awesome for the sex/ and Gael Garcia Bernal and the homoeroticness of it all I NEED to write about how I really want 2 bicurious guys before I die) then I actually told OM we should have dinner if he got out early... and he did!, so that was a night of sushi, laughter cracking jokes at the people eating next to us and sharing my teriyaki  chicken and his lobster rolls and although my pills are playing me an extra long hearty blow Job for him... he was cracking jokes on my being Broken still from that business back on Monday Night but I came back to work Friday in a great calm relaxed mood I slept well i ate well and Friday Night we did it again with trashy food, ice cream and all sort of chips and whatever else

Today I got him a Dominican Cake for his birthday  which I made Tia Sa make for me( I woke him up with that ) and a fart and shit jokes card... I said it was part one cause I also got him a 12-string guitar that decided NOT to be on time UGH! I think he might like it a lot since he's brought it up a couple of times. That  had me nervous cause he doesnt ever celebrate his bday or anything like that but I wanted to do a little something (only me and his best friend knew this was his bday) , not cause it wasn't a nice gestures but because he has his own reasons why he doesn't toot up his birthday and really he usually just retreats into his cave

But he actually hugged me so so so so so hard and kept hugging me the rest of the time I was there, Like Choking me hard hard nuzzling against me he first was reluctant about cake UNTIL he has a bite: we don't make cakes like the gringos do: none of that butter cream bullshit this was shiny creamy soft sweet whipped frosting made with lemony caramelized sugar and the cake was warm and fluffy with caramel filling, our stuff is pimp cause you can freeze it and warm it up again and is just as amazing as the day of.. but it can also stay out. :)

After that hugfest and the neck kissing and the squeeze up we parted ways as i had a pending sancocho with my family and spike included and OM had pool and golf with his friends: he called me later to tell me he played badly and that his solution was to eat more cake ... and later even he texted me that his card was so funny (I know, I know)


So yeah that all to say i guess I'm In Love

Bye assholes


Oh no wait!: This


Bebe- Bicha: slutty video, sample lyrics translation

Don't underestimate this bitch
Although she doesn't have a chubby waist
Go on, take off my wrapper
And you'll see, you'll see

Look fools,
When I want I wear pants
But I like a skirt better
So I can stick my little hand under
and pull off everything I can
Put yourself inside of me
I want to feel
If your word is true
Take off the belt and tie up your doll
To see if it's true that you can spin round my freckles

From: http://lyricstranslate.com

and a bit sweet

Natalie Walker- with you: I really like her voice since Waking Dream


Deadmau5- Ghosts and stuff: I order you to put this on your Running workout playlists!

From: http://lyricstranslate.com