Random happenings and Pick your Team -Shirt Time

Hola Bitches I've been MUCH too busy being extra to Blog But Blog I must (and trust me I've been working on this for days but shit stays coming up so I can't finalize it:

My mom did my Brazilian hair thing this weekend

hence Before
(you are supposed to blow dry and detangle your hair after washing it with clarifying shampoo, that's why I look insane)

and after!!
(it's been 3 days, I trimmed my ends, I haven't washed it out yet, it feels soft, somehow "smaller" which you see in my ponytail which feels tinsy but upon close review it really isn't, mami says I'm really going to notice the effects AFTER I wash it, that my curls frizz factor will be greatly reduced, I bought sulfate free stuff to wash it with and BTW this is after coming from the Gym!)

More Random shit: I finished paying the car but I've yet to see the results impacting my monies and I can't wait cause I have a couple of cold fucking weather things to buy for my trip


My car was towed Saturday Night , stupid fucking bullshit the condo people have to return my monies


Oh remember how that Natal chart said I'd fall in love and live comfortably and assimilated in a foreing country etc??: Why did it JUST occur to me and greatly tickled my fancy bone that DUH! I'm NOT from here so THIS is it! HEH! plus I never really have dated (except Joel "Vanilla Sex" Mesa and my first guy ever) within my own culture (long story you want me to dish or do you already suspect why? Hi Mysoginist Double Standard! How you been, Oh chilling with the Southern Black Males of Miami?? cooo!)

The Height of my inner coon was let loose monday when I felt very cute and perfect and decided to Youtube "That's cool" and dance and sing BOTH Trina and Silkk Tha Shocker's Part... Please don't ask me what Is it about that song, I'm just so ashamed..(Not more than Silkk trying to make Juneau Mothafucking Alaska the next poppin place in coondom!). At Least I DON'T have it in my Zune which is why I had to look it up (notice I won't even link that mess: I need a tune up daddy Iz you da mechanic?)


The Wes lookalike guy went ballistic MUCH to the delight of Tai and I first of all calling me LOTS after being AWOL essentially for a week (and just texting me but texting shit about pushing for condomless sex... Dudes In SoFl Need to start sniffing more coke or something if they think is a possibility that this would happen)

this is about the 3rd time I've encountered same and they'll say whatever like:

"I've been alone for a while"

"I have nobody else"

or the ever popular "it goes soft cause of the condom": Please watch me give a royal Fuck about it... I'm set for an orgasm after neck kissing and boob sucking, if you are also attending to Ms Kitty then essentially put me down for 3-4, you want to play victim you just cut yourself out of Orgasms 5-11, which i can have with or without you and that's your bad....Oralmaster and some of the better bed partners for example, never have had an issue so please don't be pedestrian and Uncouth, we are in 2009, a black man is in office EFUCKINGVOLVE and quit giving that glib b.s about "it feels different"... uh.. FOR YOU.... Maybe

So It all started today with another call at work ...the past 2 days he's called me lots, I don't answer cause I was thinking it over and over and that's too much distance for a booty call that thinks he is your boyfriend instantly so whatever right?: But also before that he kept just texting nonsense, no plans, no nothing then no word for a bit then call call call so finally after this last call I tell Tai (we were chatting about ain'tshit thirsts one) that he called me and is nothing but 11 am and wtf right? so 2 secs after that he TEXTS am i ilingnoring him?

Me after consulting with Tai and giggling (we are trying to find redeeming qualities cause sure hot body but 1 hour and change distance is not the business and really TONI BRAXTON and that cling factor that I see coming a mile away and fucks with me: so I reply WHO IS THIS?

he says Ken, Silly

Not content with that he CALLS again I hustle him off the phone cause he is Bugging about Baby you forgot me already ?? when do you get off I want to see you Baby? I say PLEASE To hang up and text me cause I can't talk (and really should I explain FB ettiquette?) so he asks "can I come see you do you want to see me??": I reply very tepidly that i have stuff to do and uh No , maybe some other time

This Fool gets huffy and says: Riiighhhttt Lose My Number

(I'm thinking SWEET This was easy!!! : I hate any sort of parting ways situation, I really do)

I say: OK

he replies: I didn't even want to fuck you like that anyways

Q: Bwahahahah OK but who called who?

You know there was no come back from that Right??? I promise I cackled for a good hour about the incongruity of it all, I swear for God



** Our Gay Courier told me that Halloween is THE Highest Gay Holiday, I flatlined



This weekend chilling with my Mom, my aunts, my cousins and My nassy ass Grandfather the following things happened:

* My mom tells Mama that MAYBE she wants to forego all that ridiculous extra praying when she is dead and instead we can celebrate her life, plus Tia Lusy claims that she's prayed SO MUCH during her lifetime and waking hours that she should be all good, she agreed, My Stoopid ass Grandad wants to pipe in some shit about he wanna do the same and the WHOLE room side eyes him, then Tia Isabel replies: Uh NO you might want to start now and do twice a days and we won't soon be done the way YOU been living

Yes She did, and we all cackled and he did a shuffle all mealy mouthed and what have you... and I wasn't a bit sorry, they told him he shouldna have been Volunteering shit

* On that Topic Lua says that she wants my Grammy's Jewels when she is dead, Eva being extra says she wants the Calendar they now have hanging and some kitchen rags, Tia Isabelita Starts cackling that since my Gramma wears them HUGE ass chonnies (She has a "colon issues" pot belly But REAL skinny legs) that Maybe Tia Lusy should inherit those since at least we know she can fit the legs: I kid you not My Gramma complains that we are joking to much and acting supid and that's why she don't like us and proceeds to Lift up her whole dress and Holler ARE THESE TIGHT ENOUGH!!?!?! ARE THESE TIGHT ENOUGH!!! (they were) we were in tears cause the only thing Tia Lusy could say was : Damn that about 5 pounds worth o' Pussy

My Family is not right, I fucking know this

My boss is even worse; We've have 3 high profile cases back to back dealing with nasty ass pedos and the parents who beat them/defend them, gross shit but we divest our energies making fun of these assholes with a sick sense of humor: My boss has taken to hiding in corners and coming out jump saying: BOOO!! Night of the living Pedos!

Christ!; He also told the state in one case that there was no way so and so touched this kid's boob are cause she has none, that should he REALLY want to see some Boobs, His secretary is STACKED (that would be me) I came into his office with a letter opener ready to shank him






SO with that we go on to: Pick your team T-shirt and hedge your bets

I Want you to make an informed decision so I will tell you about my last 3 days/dates, and yeah they've been back to back and yeah I'm quite impressed with myself and the budding team

NY

As I had previously stated we had been talking for a while before he called, but once he did it was on, he's made the point of calling/texting at Least once a day, wishing me a good morning etc, so he asked me last week for a date this past Saturday so we decided to meet up and go to this Dominican food joint, which ended up being REAALLLYYY awesome food and fun music, and some really delicious oldies... we got some nasty looks cause a WHOLE softball team of, yup D.R men were cavorting there, being drunken louts and dancing with each other so Yeeeaahhh that was fun ......NOT, we traded stories he liked that I was table shimmying and singing along and explaining dishes to him, he was very gentlemanly and complimented the most random of things; My eyebrows and my big purse as well as my hair :)... he is Not as tall as I like em, and he is attractive but in a rough way

....halfway through dinner he started getting touchy, then after dinner he Totally wanted to see spike cause he is as crazy about his dog as I am about mine, so he came and he literally went to the floor with spike then he came up with the idea of taking him to the beach after I had said I've never been there with Spicky... well Lord Spike Wailed the whole way there but he loved it he was doing his sideways run and getting grubby in the sand and barking at the waves which was sort of awesome.. so then he kissed me.. and he was a good kisser.. very very good... after that we went back to my place and he ummmm Ok let me put it blunty He gave me GREAT head til the cows came home, cause he lost his mind after he figures I have a clit ring... with barely any reciprocation, Noting else happened cause he sorta asked about he about my stance on sex, I told him condoms are a must... I MOST certainly didn't have his size, but I was also ok with letting things were they were, we kissed A LOT and YO! So . Much ink , all the while he was giving me a massage, a nice deep massage and after that we've talked regularly he asked me to maybe hang out Sunday with the kids, have Italian here at my place, while we see how the doggies get along, I'm down with that.

Pros

*He is SUPER sweet and nice

*Every time I say I like something (grapes, fairs, cotton candy) he says we will do that soon

*INK Oh lord Jesus he is covered in it (changes panties)

* Loves the doggies (I told you I melt over men who love animals)

*Gainfully employed (fedex seems to be a stable company)

* Great skills thus far (Wooooo Hooooooooooo... um whilst casually walking on the shore he said something about my ponytail and tugged at it a bit... very telling the fact that my pervy ass couldn't help going to the gutter with it and he liked that a lot )

*Consistency

*Notices the little things (after that massage he kept touching my face and just saying the nicest things)

* Very pretty eyes

* He is more emotionally expressive than I am (I'm swell with my friends, just guys are tricky for me, i can be physically affectionate and intimate, i just can't talk about shit so is weird when a dude says: I wish I was there with you talking and touching you")

Cons

*He lives fucking.far.com

*He is busssyyyyy ( classes half of Saturday and his work schedule is like 5-12, 3 hours off and then back on until 8.. every day, even holidays)

*He told me (not in pride, which I appreciate) that he doesn't read as much as I obviously do (that's a bit bothersome to me)

*He is NOT tall for me (barely cracking 5'9 .. again what is it with guys omitting this basic factual thing?) that might or might not Bug him more than me if at all possible cause he said that he appreciated my not wearing heels (to test that out, I said that I wore my highest ones today, he didn't flinch)

* He has a bio clock ticking on him cause he TOTALLY examined my niece/nephew and cousins pics and pronounced that if we had a kid it'd look like that too!

* He is more emotionally expressive than I am (LOL what? this is good and healthy but very difficult for me to dance around)

Oralmaster

We Hung out Sunday and by hanging out we mean we fucked each other's holy brains out, the man drew blood by texting me some real over Nasty Mc Nasty shit and I replied in kind with: "well, if we are in the granting wishes business then i might as well say that I LIKE it rought so by all means choking, biting and slapping is encouraged and welcomed" WHHHAAATTT?? what's the point of a Fuck Buddy if not to uh Fuck him well and viceversa, his response, not even 6 seconds later

I want assplay for both of us


Merry fucking Christmas! thought you'd never ask!

So he came, watched some football and I'm falling asleep cause he is playing with spike and football holds no interest for me but his junk definitely does so I focused on that and my investment paid up in spades, we didn't make it to the bedroom before delivering on all the yummy threats we made to each other... Oh God and just when I thought ok we're done he picks my ass up cock still in place and we go to the bedroom where he proceeded to do them other yum yum things he does... and to physically restrain me... Oh Yeah. Ba-Byyyy,he called me and spike crazy in the end but this is while he in fact leashed spike for his night walk, nice.. plus he is great for cuddling with all that hairy chesticle

Pros

*neatly fills in the spot left open from a certain so-and-so (btw the thought of when he realizes the cockblockage I've perpetrated sorta makes me giggle with delight and sparkles)

* Jesus!! Skills for days and nights and then some

* He is HAWT, just hot!.. and tall

* He is a perv and so am I, but we can cupcake after sex and kiss a bit, no self consciousness there!

*He does what I need him to do... very well (did we not set out for that?)

Cons

* Strong silent Type otherwise: I HATE SST with a passion

* uh.. THE SHITFIT, I can't deal with dudes that get their panties in a bunch about dumb shit that has been already discussed

HULK SMASH

I hate Tai for dubbing him so BUT he is Finnish, a Seafood Wholesaler, nice ad one of those people that talks very directly, cute accent, and had been checking in texting and calling all weekend, we agreed to a Monday date either Mangos or Cheesecake factory but before Monday talked several times and he told me a few bites about his life (he is 39, went to college in Cali, then moved here, single no kids, family all in Europe, so we traded stories on that, an aunt that lives around here)

When I got to Cheesecake Factory (wearing a certain "precious as a whore in church" dress, titties out and flats .. cause fuck by now I've resigned to the fact that i'm a giant, these mofos lie about height and SoFl is a town o Flakes) He arrived right behind me...... AND HE WAS HUGE

People he said 6'4 but in all honesty if had to be 6'5, 6'6 and just Massive NOT fat, just HUGE and nommy

so we had a great great great dinner talked about all sorts of things, drank Riesling, he told me about his job and I told him about mine, we ket getting closer but he kept a respectful distance, I fed him some of my chicken (I feed them all if left to my own devices.. My mother hen peeks its head that way), some asshole dating a huge chick (thing seemed fetish territory, something about his vibe) started giving me stank eyes towards the end, either way we never really stopped talking much and as foreigners we bonded over Past Love of Burger King (fact most foreigners ADORE us some BK, find Mc Donalds Repulsive), and how we don't really get the Holidays more so than as a day off, also we don't do football (YES)

So at the end he walks me to my car, whilst holding my doggie bag... and puts a hand on the small of my back .. Yall He is HUGE we tombout me in flats MAYBE mid chest?... telling me that we should do something very very very soon, like Halloween or something and sit there looking at the slutty drunks (all 3 guys don't drink per se ... NY and OM Not at all) and plants a HUGE, LONG KISS on me... like LONG Make out, like Im tilting n my tippy toes and he is bending and holding me in place: LE FUCKING SWOON (I havent dated a dude THIS tall in a Loooonnngg time but my Ex husband came awful close)

He texted me and called me after he got home to talk movies... we agreed to watch this movie that i have here (the Lives of Others) and we were to do this Friday or Saturday... except he called and texted me today asking what could he say to facilitate us seeing each other sooner so I got bold and told him to bring that Riesling bottle he has at home and I'm making rice beans and chicken, he agreed ONLY after I had said that he offers info about hanging out on his place Next time... his really extra ultra posh 3 pools terrace clubhouse condo by the Intercoastal.. so GREAT now I had to explain my place to him... ugh and tell him we are MOST certainly dealing with a smaller shittier scale LOL I did ask if he liked dogs (which he does) only cause Tai said the most fucked up thing about my little whoremonkey (I said we are arguably competing sluts, she counters that if he was a person he'd be a gay boy turning all the men gay for him.. I think she is right)... so I'm making yummy foodstuff tomorrow and fruits for dessert (he is a bit health-nutty) and fuck that whole "my apartment complex is a shithole" mentality... so I've cleaned, the place is sparkly clean and I will most likely judging by that kiss be in trouble


And I stocked up on magnums ecstasy

Pros

*HELLO He is HUGE, like Giant

*He was cool to talk to, lots of stories

* Accent

*39, got his shit together no kids

* GREAT kisser

* I was an ant next to him

* He is putting in the texts and calls (every day since I gave him my number)

Cons

*I'll get back to you on that, I'm sure there will be some, after all he is well off, Huge, Childless... but single? why? (Please please please God don't let it be a "skills" issue


So choose Heaux! (New Spelling as per Monie/Mia/La)


Ida Maria- Keep me Warm: she is so adorabelicious


Ida Maria- Queen of the World: Her whole cd gives me happiness, and Hello Glittery eyebrows?! Isn't that a fun trendfor the younger 20s?? Better whimsy than that Katy perry hack